The Carpenters-Luke, Shelly, James, Lauren, Graham & Landry

730 days

2012-01-06T01:00:00.000-08:00

Graham

I had never really thought about how many days are in 2 years. I suppose I haven't had a reason to ever keep track of days to that length. 730 days...that's how many days are in 2 years. 730 is the number of days it's been since I held my precious baby boy alive. As I see that number staring at me, I can hardly believe it. I can remember in those initial days and weeks wondering if I'd make it to the next hour or day. It's amazing how much pain the human body can endure. And here we are 730 days later and we're still here-living this life. Aching for our son and longing for heaven, but here with 3 beautiful children and enjoying each moment we have here together. To that I can say, we are living proof of God's grace,faithfulness and love.

Great is thy faithfulness...

It's been 726 days since I held Graham for the final time. We buried him on January 10th. I will never forget when they brought Luke and I up to an area in our church where they had him. I still try not to make eye contact with that room when I'm at church. It hurts too much. The place where we had to say our final goodbyes. How do you do that?! How do you tell your child goodbye? I remember wanting to just take him and run and never look back. I wanted to keep him with me, where he belonged. The finality was so hard. I remember our Pastor telling us it was time-time to let go of his physical body. Time to put him back in the casket. It wasn't long enough and then again, there is no amount of time that would have been long enough! And that was it....we placed him back in the casket and they closed the lid and that was the last time I saw the face of my precious child. So many of those moments and days are a blur. I was given so much medicine just to function and yet I remember certain things with such great detail. So much of the time it still feels surreal. I think, "Did this really happen to us?" There is nothing more horrible than burying your child. I still have to pray to not slip into a life of resentment and judgement wondering, " Why us, God?"

When I look in the mirror on our dresser in the bedroom, I can still see Graham propped up on my chest. I used to hold him like that until he'd go to sleep many times and I'd peek in the mirror at him to see if his eyes were still open. He was beautiful with his big, brown eyes and he always looked so content to just lay right there on me. I'm so grateful that many times I just held him. I can still feel him there. I'm not sure I will ever look in our mirror and not see his sweet face.

As I sit here tonight and into the wee hours of the morning I feel so much pain and anguish. We ache so much for our son. We have 2 children that miss and talk of their brother daily and a precious baby girl who will never know her brother...just of him. We have learned the importance of living out each day and moment fully never knowing that they may be the last. James and Lauren talk often about what Graham is doing in heaven. It often times makes me teary eyed, but usually makes me smile and even laugh. They have such an amazing picture of what heaven will be like. It's so refreshing for me and such a beautiful reminder.

The loss of Graham was and still is so horrible. I will never understand it. I have discovered though that although I had no power to determine the course my life would take, I do have the power to choose how I respond to it even though it is hard and it hurts. I continue to pray that that although the loss of Graham is a horrible chapter of our story and always will be, the book itself will be good. I've just had to change my definition of what a "good life" means and looks like.

Here are the ways I have seen God's faithfulness: James and Lauren are amazing! They laugh and love each other and others greatly. They talk daily of their sweet brother in heaven. We were blessed with our sweet Landry and what a precious blessing she is. Luke and I are still together and thriving in our marriage. We've had amazing friends who have cried and laughed with us and family who has met us each step of the way during these difficult 2 years. Although it feels we have lost so much, we are clinging to His faithfulness in our lives.

When I feel as though my heart cannot bear any more hurt I am reminded of this amazing quote from Randy Alcorn's book Heaven:
"The most ordinary moment on the New Earth will be
greater than the most perfect moments in this life...those experiences
you wanted to bottle up or hang onto but couldn't. It can
get better, far better than this...and it will...."

This is the hope I cling to each day, especially in the dark, dark moments.

It reminds

me of the great hope we have. So in these times when I feel as though the wind has been knocked out of me, that I cannot possible cry any more tears or ache for my beautiful son any more,

I must remember that there will be a day when the Lord will make everything perfect and right and we will run to meet Graham. For all of you who are walking with us, I can't wait until you get to see him again either. The kids, Luke and I always "fight" over who's going to be the first one to Graham. James seems to think he is going to beat Luke because according to him, "I'm a fast runner!" Bless his sweet heart. I dream of what that reunion will be like.
So as I stare at my son's grave with sobs that cannot be suppressed, I remind myself of God's promises...morning by morning new mercies I see...

I must walk in faith because I don't want it any other way.

Christmas Cards

2011-11-26T18:12:00.000-08:00

My blog has taken a back seat to the rest of my life right now, but I PROMISE to get back on the horse again....this post is going to be about our Christmas cards that I will order through Tiny Prints...the same place I ordered Landry's birth announcements from and LOVED! They have such a great selection. I'm thinking about using this card this year...obviously with pictures of us. Although this family is pretty cute too! :)

Go to www.tinyprints.com/shop/picture-christmas-cards.htm.

Landry Kate

2011-07-13T23:51:00.000-07:00

Landry Kate
May 5, 2011

3:11 p.m.
7 pounds 6 ounces

20 inches long

Here is our precious little angel. Life has been wonderful and busy since she arrived. I've had sleepless nights, made dinner, changed kids' clothes and wiped bottoms one handed. I've changed many diapers, wiped up lots of spit and yet wouldn't change a thing!

(sorry for the weird spaces in this post. I can't get it fixed!)

Thankfully, I had an amazing labor and delivery. Thank you for your many, many prayers. I was quite anxious going into the hospital and flooded with emotions. As we walked to the elevator and pushed "3" it really set in. We were doing this again...having another baby. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. The smells brought back so many memories. I saw the nurses I had when I delivered Graham. I wondered if I was going to be able to do this again. "How many children do you have?" I struggled to answer that question. This was/is my 4th child. Joy, fear, excitement, sadness. My emotions were all over the place. I had amazing nurses and midwives that day. They were absolute God-sends. My birth was amazing and obviously quite emotional. Landry came out alert and hungry and stole my heart immediately. She was here. Perfect and such a special gift to our family.

Each time I see this picture, I imagine it with our Graham in it. We felt his absence, but know he was looking down from heaven and smiling I'm sure.

It was SO important that my mom and sisters be with me soon after her birth. They have gone through the trenches with me and celebrated with me during this pregnancy. They had prayed for Landry for 40 weeks and 4 days.

She loved being swaddled and in her swing, so this is what she looked like (a hot pink burrito) when she wasn't eating (which wasn't much) the first few weeks.

The kids laugh so much at her funny faces. Here is just one of the ones the kids would get a kick out of.

They're so happy and proud!

James always wants to be right next to her which means he is usually in the pictures of her. I have to "kick him out!" :)

James is always kissing/smelling Landry's hair. It's pretty sweet. He has asked me on several occasions if he can marry her. I've had to try and explain to him that we don't marry our sisters. So then he asked if he could go ahead and marry me. I had to tell him we don't marry our mothers either. Poor kid was devastated :)

Here we are on the 4th of July celebrating America and grateful for the freedom
we have been given to live in this country.

Some facts about our Landry:

She is quite pleasant (the easiest newborn of the 4)

She gets greeted, kissed, hugged, and talked to by James and Lauren each morning the second one of her eyes opens.
She gets kissed at least 50 times a day... bare minimum.
She loves her play mat. Especially the blinking musical star that hangs above her.

She coos and smiles like crazy. This always makes the kids go nuts! They just love it!
She loves to be snuggled up and has gotten quite spoiled :)
She likes to be moving. She doesn't mind her car seat as long as the car is moving. Blast those red lights! :)

She still sleeps in her swing. It eases my mind a bit more than laying her down flat although we are hoping to transition her to her bed soon so she can be monitored.
She enjoys being outside and loves to take walks. Therefore, she fits in even more perfectly in our family :)

She loves to see what's going on and loves to be held facing out.

She loves to be in just a diaper.

She loves to eat, but is pretty petite like all of my other babies were.

We are so thoroughly enjoying his baby girl. She has brought our family a breath of fresh air. The kids just adore her and love on her all day long. I've had to stay on them about not trying to give her lovin' when she's asleep because she has started waking up. She often times has crumbs of food in her hair or something sticky because the kids just can't get enough of her even when they are eating :) Her hair smells like Cinnamon Toast Crunch each morning from James kissing on her :) I can't put into words the way I/we feel about her. I'm just so grateful for her. James tells me often times that he wishes Graham was still here and wishes Landry could see him. They both still talk of him to often. My heart still hurts. I too wish Landry knew her brother. I wish that she had one more brother to get kisses from each day and protect her from the boys someday. I still miss Graham in an unbelievable way. I still cry for him, ache for him, talk of him and wonder how he would fit into our little family right now. I will post on the grief side of things since there are some who follow this blog for that reason. I still grieve for him each day, but am so thankful for this new, precious life.

Peace...

2011-05-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

Lord willing, tomorrow we will meet our baby girl. The baby girl that has been prayed fervently for for quite some time by us and by many of you. I got the May baby I prayed so hard for over the last several months. I've always wanted a May baby. Partly because I'm a May baby and I just think it's a great month. After we lost Graham and began even discussing having another baby, I prayed for a May baby. I wanted the baby to be born in a different season than Graham was and in the season when we lost him. When I think of May, I think of the guarantee of warmth right around the corner, sunshine, fresh green grass and blooming flowers. I think of new life and fresh starts. Thank you Jesus, for my May baby.

There is such a wide array of emotions swirling in my head and heart right now. Excitement...for this miracle and life that's been growing inside of me for 40 weeks and 3 days. Anticipation...of the joy she will bring to our family and to our lives. Anxiety...how will I be at peace? How will I lay her down to sleep and walk away? How will I not worry every second of every day if she is breathing or not? How will I turn this fear over to the Lord? Guilt...that we are having another baby. That Graham will no longer be the last memory we have with a baby. That in one sense we are opening up a new chapter of our lives and choosing to move forward. Vulnerable...that again we are choosing to give life and love again knowing there is a risk. Risk that she won't be with us as long as we pray for her to be. Fear...that when I nurse and rock this baby girl I will be thinking of the last time I did that...with my Graham and that will widen those already gaping holes in my heart. It's so hard to know what it's going to be like to deal with the emotions that I know will come as we have a precious little life to hold and nurture again and sometimes the unknown is the scariest part for me. This is when I wish there was a manual that told me what would happen next.

I went to the cemetery tonight for the last time before this baby arrives. Tonight I could have curled up on the grass next to his black granite stone with his face printed on it and cried for a long time. I told him that his little sister will be born tomorrow. I let him know we will never stop loving him, or thinking of him, or longing for him. I told that I wish I had to buy one more big brother shirt and that I wished I was packing a bag with his little jeans in it too. I asked him to help watch over the new baby as well as James and Lauren and keep them safe and to give me a special peace. I told him how much James and Lauren miss him and what a good big brother and sister they will be to her just like they were to him. I told him I wish I wasn't visiting his grave and placing flowers at the base but instead doing last minute meal planning. I told him I wish our van was filled with 4 car seats right now instead of just 3...I told him that James reminds me that Lauren will be sitting where he did when we brought him home from the hospital. I told him he will always be my precious baby...forever and ever and always...and I cried some more...

So as we await this arrival of this precious gift, this answer to our prayers, our hearts are still heavy as we think about Graham looking down from heaven instead of running around a hospital room with his matching big brother shirt on. I am so grateful for the chance to give life again...to love even if it does mean the possibility of loss. As we enter this new stage of our family, of our grief, of our lives, I am excited and yet fearful for these upcoming days, weeks and months. Loving a child as deeply as any mother does is so scary, especially if you have lost one. I pray to Jesus that I will soak up every second of every snuggle, every 2 hour feeding, every diaper change, and fussiness, every ounce of craziness and turn over my fears and anxiety to Him knowing He is the ultimate giver of peace.

So tonight, I go to bed for the last time as a mother of 3...as a family of 5...because tomorrow my friends, I will Lord willing be a momma of 4...we will be a family of 6 and although it hurts deeply that Graham isn't here sharing this new chapter with us, I am grateful God saw fit to bless us again with a new life.

What spring means to me...

2011-04-11T17:51:00.001-07:00

Spring means we made it through our first full winter without our Graham. We survived...we did it. Not without long nights and lots of tears, but we made it. The bitter cold and snow is gone. The long, bleak days and nights have turned to longer, prettier nights and sunsets. I can hardly believe that spring is here. Spring also means the arrival of our new baby girl. When we found out we were pregnant last August, spring seemed so far away...3 seasons...and now, here we are. We're getting ready to have a newborn again. (squeal) Diapers and wipes are slowing making their appearance into the house again. Little baby clothes are hanging in the closet and onesies are neatly folded in the drawer. Spring means new beginnings and new growth. New opportunities to grow and strengthen. As I was out at Graham's grave site over the weekend, I noticed how much more new grass was coming up around his plot. I was so grateful for the bright green patches of soft grass as the muddy, brown grass was such a daunting reminder of the freshness of our loss and yet it's the reality that we have been without our Graham long enough that there is newness in the earth. The dirt isn't freshly turned over anymore. The cuts in the earth aren't as predominant. Spring is here.

Thankfully I had a lot to keep me more than busy/exhausted this winter. I took on a tutoring job through the government as well as keeping the 10 kids I tutor privately and ended up biting off a bit more than I could chew. I made 30 lesson plans each week (Monday through Thursday) for all of my students. It was brutal! At 2:00 a.m. I often times wondered if I'd survive. Thankfully my family helped fill in many gaps with meals and helping watch the kids. The extra income allowed us to make great gains on the financial burden that losing Graham brought us, so for that we are so grateful. Although it was a difficult 4 months, I am thankful that I had lots to keep my mind and emotions somewhat preoccupied. And because I had so much to keep me busy I failed miserably at keeping up with the blog. For that, I am sorry...

We are doing well...it seems a bit surreal that we are in the final few weeks of my pregnancy and getting ready to add a sweet new life into the world. With the excitement has come a great deal of anxiety and also many new, raw emotions. As I think about what it means to be a mom again to a baby, I'm flooded with memories of my sweetie-boy and that is so very difficult for me. I haven't gotten anything out yet. Partly because our house is up for sale so putting things away for showings is difficult and probably even more so because I'm not quite ready to face all of those "things" that I last saw and usedwith my Graham...I guess I'm not quite ready to face the memories head on...not until I have to. There are some things we have chosen not to use again and yet other things it only makes sense to use...once again, I find myself in a constant balancing act. I spent some time at the cemetery over the weekend and sat and cried and thought and prayed for quite a while. I know we are honoring Graham by bringing another baby into this world and yet I struggle feeling as though I am betraying him. This may not make much sense, but there is guilt surrounding having another child. I'm "ready" to snuggle, smell, nurture and raise another child and yet there is something within me that doesn't want to let go what I last had with Graham. Like it's sacred...

The kids are soooo excited (huge understatement) about their new baby sister. They talk to her and about her constantly. They hug and kiss my belly constantly and remind me how big I'm getting (thanks kids). I've taken them to all of my doctor appointments this time and they love to hear her heartbeat. James has come a long way with his initial fear and anger of her dying, but not before many, many tears, prayers and deep conversations. I'm sure he will continue to work through those emotions as will I. He still asks a lot of difficult questions and has said several times how much he still wishes Graham was here with us. And here we are 15 months later and it breaks my heart every.single.time. I am grateful that he does talk about it...about Graham...about his fears and questions and most times I am struggling with those very same ones. He did tell me yesterday while playing outside in the 80 degree weather that he was sure Graham had a tan up in heaven (that's my boy). That made me smile and giggle....he thinks of the sweetest and littlest things that boy...

James and Lauren are doing well. They continue to bring us so much joy with their sweet spirits, thoughtfulness and livelihood. They keep us humble and grounded as we deal with battles and stresses of parenting, but warm our hearts constantly and bring much laughter to our days. They are growing so quickly and both getting so big and independent. James loves school and his friends and Lauren likes to tell people she is "homeschooled." So if homeschooled means you get to paint, color, watch Cinderella, and read books 3 mornings a week for 3 hours with your mom's undivided attention, then I suppose she is homeschooled ;) They play very well together most of the time and are each other's best friends.

Luke and I just got back from a much needed vacation with just the two of us. We went to Bradenton, FL for an entire week. It was amazing! We decided to drive the 19 hours much to the hesitation of my midwives considering I was 36 weeks pregnant but had such a great time. It was the first time we have been by ourselves for any length of time since losing Graham and I would say it was the best thing we could have done. It gave us a chance to just "be." No expectations, no responsibilities, no reservations...just be. I felt more like myself than I have in 15 months. Simply for that, it was worth it. The "old" me is not completely gone as I have felt for so long that it was and I found a great deal of comfort in that.

We are making gains in this journey of grief. It is still difficult and there are days and nights that are much harder than others. We still find ourselves continually talking about and wondering how our family would be different if Graham were here with us and again what he'd look like, sound like, be like. We still question and plea with God to somehow "save" us from all other heartache. I sang a worship song at church a few Sundays ago for the first time since we lost Graham. I still can't do it consistently, but it was a big step. I have to truly "believe" the songs I'm singing now. I can't just sing to sing. It's different. Therefore, I can't always do it. I also don't cry every Sunday like I did for so long, but still have Sundays when I simply cannot stop crying. I know so many of you are continuing to pray for our family especially as we anticipate the arrival of this new baby. We are praying for a safe and healthy baby and also for our/my emotions as I know it will bring back so much of what we remember about Graham. Please pray for an amazing peace that we know can only come from the Lord. Please pray too for the adjustment with James and Lauren and for them to have peace as they are also scared about having a losing another sibling. I will keep you posted on her arrival before she begins to crawl ;) Blessings and love to you all!

365 days...

2011-01-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

365 days....that's how long it's been since I've held, smelled, kissed on, loved on, snuggled, fed, bathed, soothed, or looked into the eyes of my Graham. I can hardly believe it...believe that I'm still walking, breathing, living...as the pain has been and remains so great. Never in a million years did I think that on January 6, 2011, I would be writing a post on my first year of this journey of grief. I'd much rather be writing New Year's Resolutions that I don't intend to keep. As I sit here today I feel devastation...devastation beyond words and sadness of all we have missed out on since we lost our Graham. Anger...anger that he is not here with us. That James and Lauren have missed out on the joys of their baby brother. Fear...fear that I won't pull through the pain and let him go completely and fear of what letting go means. Speechless...speechless (still) that this has happened to us...that as long as we are on this earth, we will not have our Graham. Hope...yet I do have hope that we will be reunited with him again and will be with him longer than we were without him.

I'll never forget the horror of that night one year ago. It was especially cold, snowy and a bit icy. When I left the library from tutoring I had to stop at a gas station to clear my windshield again. I drove home slower than normal on the winding country roads. I came home excited about life, anxious to see my kids and literally in an instant, my world was shattered, shaken, turned upside down. I'll never forget the feeling I had when I walked into our bedroom to wake Graham. I can't describe it, but I knew as I walked through that door that something was wrong. I will never forget the sound that bellowed out of me when I found Graham not breathing. I can still hear it. I will never forget how difficult it was for me to dial 911 because my hands were shaking uncontrollably and James running around confused at the chaos. I will never forget the sheer panic as I watched Luke perform CPR on my baby boy...desperately trying to breathe life back into him. I will never forget begging the dispatcher to make the ambulance get here faster. It felt like it took forever although I know now that it did not. I will never forget hearing the sirens and seeing the lights turn onto our road. I will never forget the EMT who burst through the door, a friend of ours, and begging for him to save my Graham. I will never forget the look on my parent's face when they walked through the front door. They didn't know what had happened, just that there was an ambulance headed to our house. I cannot imagine for them what panic must have risen within them. I will never forget the sheriff telling me to calm down as I rocked back and forth on the floor. What did that mean? How could I calm down? I will never forget the amount of people piling into our house...none of which I knew, recognized or could offer me any hope or answers. I remember laying on the floor in a heap and just seeing muddy wet boots everywhere. I will never forget waiting desperately for someone to come tell me a miracle had happened and my Graham was okay. I will never forget Luke crying out to God not to take his son. I will never forget the sheriff who came in and walked slowly up to us taking off his hat. At that moment I knew what he was going to tell me....Our son was gone...gone...a word you want to hear only when referring to a missing license or book, but not your child. At 9:20 p.m. every parent's worst nightmare came true and we have lived and we are living to tell about it. When I think about that night and the horror that we had to endure in the days and weeks following, I do wonder how we are still functioning. It seems that just one of the things we endured would send a sane person into an institution, so the magnitude for so much horror is just unfathomable. I know so much of this is due to your prayers. I will never forget how I started vomiting and couldn't stop and how my mom was trying to help me get pajamas on. I will never forget waking up at 6:30 the next morning after just a few short hours of sleep because my chest was in pain and engorged. After all, I was supposed to be nursing my baby. I was groggy from the sedative and could barely open my swollen eyes. I wondered if it was a nightmare. Then, I looked over on the other couch and saw my mom was there sleeping. I remember just crying out....knowing then, that I was living a nightmare. I remember trying to read and snuggle with James on the night after because he wanted me and needed me. I wanted to pray with him like I always did, but couldn't...I didn't know what to say to God. I remember laying there trying so hard to hold it together wondering if our kids were going to be okay...if they'd survive such tragedy and how I would explain this to them. I wanted to hold James and never let him go in a way I had never felt or experienced. I remember lots of of people in the house and nowhere to go. I remember everyone just watching me, wondering what I was going to do or say next. I remember just trying to put one foot in front of the other. I can't tell you how many times I have sobbed in the fetal position crying to Luke or my mom, "I can't do this. I really can't do this." I remember trying to take a liquid medicine to dry up my milk, but vomiting as soon as I swallowed it and everyone trying to get me to eat and drink. I remember my body not knowing what to do with all of the new medicines being dumped into it. I remember the panic attacks when pieces of denial and shock wore off. I remember that night so clearly...I wish I didn't, but I do. It's changed me...

We've been haunted by the clock and the calendar for an entire year now. They 6th and the 23rd of every month and all of the holidays and milestones in between. The last few weeks have caused me to fall into the pit again as we grieved for our son during the holidays knowing that shortly afterwards, we'd be faced with today. The date that changed our lives forever. I have found myself constantly thinking about what we were doing last year at this time. It's amazing how much I've been able to remember...vividly. And again, I'm so grateful for the perfect, beautiful, priceless memories I have of and with Graham on that final day.

Honestly, 365 days ago I thought I would have "felt" better than what I do right now. Obviously I didn't have a clue and the pain was so intense, breathing seemed like an accomplishment each day. Although we have survived this first year, I still miss, love, long for, think of our Graham the way I did in the beginning. And quite frankly, I just feel different. I don't sob uncontrollably every night as I did in the beginning and yet so much more feels as though it bottles up in the depths of my soul. My soul feels different in a way that I cannot put into words. I'm realizing it's okay that the pain isn't gone because again it's a reminder of our sweet son. I'm just having to learn to live with it and it's a very different feeling than I'm used to having. Trying to balance the sorrow with life.

I still struggle with my false sense of control. I want so much to put a tight grip on all things that mean anything to me....James and Lauren especially. I struggle with feeling very much out of control and have to choose not to dwell on the "what-ifs" that seem to plague me if I allow them to creep into my mind. I have to step back and give them over the the One who created them which is so difficult to do especially since we have lived through the horror of losing a child. I've joined a "club" no parents wants to be a part of.

I have moments constantly when I imagine how Graham would have been. Often times it's when I am around children who are close to the age he would be now. I find myself almost zoning out and thinking about things a sane person probably would not. Sometimes I almost have to catch my breath because the thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming. I still hold my breath when I go into a store as I try not to look at the baby boy items.

Losing Graham has changed me, it has changed our family and it has changed many people around us. Right now it feels like most of it is for the bad and yet I have a hope of heaven unlike I had before. I have even more of an appreciation of the little things in life and when my kids are throwing tantrums, it's easier for me to know that it won't last forever and at least I have the opportunity to discipline and teach them. The head sheriff talked to us several weeks after losing Graham and told us he had never seen his men affected by a tragedy as they had ours. Most times I still wonder, "Why us, Lord? How is this part of your plan?" I will never have an answer and even if Jesus himself told me the "plan," I'm sure it would not make the pain any less. I will continue praying that in time Graham will live up to his name and reach thousands for Jesus just as we had prayed. Again, this wasn't the plan....it wasn't the way it was supposed to be, but I pray that we will embrace our hurt and loss as well as our healing and point other's to Jesus.

Again, if you are reading this blog post, you have more than likely played a significant role in our lives over the last year. Whether it was openly with meals, cards, flowers, goodies or McDonald's cokes, or silently with prayers for healing in our family, we really cannot thank you enough. My words in this blog cannot do our gratitude justice. I do know that it is your prayers that have allowed us to be "doing" life a year later. They have carried us through dark, dark days. Thank you for lifting us up to the Father when I had no words. Thank you for interceding on our behalf.

Please DO NOT stop praying for us. Although we have survived the first year without Graham, our hearts are still broken and our emotions still on a roller coaster ride, especially as we anticipate the birth of our little girl. We don't want to walk through life simply surviving this loss. We want to use it to minister somehow to other hurting people. Thank you to my mom for emailing me every.single.night words of encouragement, wisdom, her thoughts and for writing to me in a journal every day and rotating them so I could have a new one to read each day. That's amazing! I don't know what I would do without her. Thank you mom for letting me call you at all hours of the night and sob uncontrollably. Thank you to my family for standing by us as we have had literally nothing to give in return and for hurting with us. For understanding how difficult family get togethers and birthdays would be and for trying to make it as easy as possible. For our friends who have continued to love us, make us laugh, and let us cry...thank you for meeting us where we were/are at at this moment. And lastly, thank you for those of you who we have never met who have committed to praying for our family.

One of the most difficult things I have had to come to grips with is that we are not guaranteed anything in this life, and without the hope of Jesus, I would have been swept away with the gigantic tides the last year has brought me.

I'm going to end with this quote from Gregory Floyd who said, "Our faith gives us the sure hope of seeing him again, but the hope does not take away the pain." Thank you again for walking this journey with us. We love you!

This time...

2010-11-22T01:20:00.000-08:00

is so very hard...as we continue to live each day without our Graham. With every day closer to Thanksgiving means a day closer to Christmas and a day closer to the anniversary of Graham's meeting with Jesus. None of which I feel like I can bear. My soul still hurts so deeply and longs so much for my Graham. It's so difficult to be constantly plagued with the "last year at this time..." thoughts. My life is divided into the before and after and I have to consciously work every day, often times every moment, to live the after. People have asked me how I'm doing...if things have gotten easier. Honestly, no, I don't think things have gotten easier at all. The biggest difference is that now I feel I've learned to manage my grief a little better. I've learned to control it a bit more...but I still ache for him in a way that words simply cannot describe. I've learned to be strong on the outside even when I'm a mess on this inside. I look at toddlers and I wonder what his laugh would sound like, what his cry would sound like, how much hair he'd have, what his little personality would be like, what foods he'd like, what toys he'd play with, how the kids would be with him. These are all things I'm left to wonder about and the farther we get away from his time with us, the more difficult it is to imagine....and that is more difficult than words can even describe.

I love the holidays. I always have, but this year is so different. It is so bittersweet...new memories with James and Lauren and yet the ache of missing our Graham. Everyone wants to know our plans and quite frankly, I don't want any plans. It's almost like in my mind if I can avoid planning it, it won't come and we won't have to endure the pain of the days where the world seems to be celebrating while we hurt. Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on how much we have to be thankful for and although I am SO blessed, I can't help but feel the bitter absence of our Graham. As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I realize though that I am so eternally grateful for my 14 weeks of life with Graham. Although I wish with everything in me it were longer, I wouldn't trade this pain and grief for not knowing my son.

We are beginning to put together ideas for the kids for Christmas. James and Lauren both have birthday within 6 weeks of Christmas so we have to put careful consideration into what we get them simply because this is it for the year. It is so difficult to know we will have an empty stocking with Graham's name on it and less presents under the tree. I think about all of the things we would have gotten Graham this year and about the unused Christmas gifts we had for him last year. I want so much to be creating 3 wish lists for my kids this year. Again, a difficult reminder of what is gone. We have decided to "adopt" a child in honor of Graham this year and purchase gifts for the child in a family. We will wrap the gifts and deliver them as a family to the child. We'd like to have the kids help us choose the gifts. This is something we'd like to do as a family to keep Graham's memory alive and to honor him.

The Christmas lights are starting to go up around the neighborhood and each time I pass a house with lights lit, my eyes well up with tears thinking about celebrating Christmas without our Graham. James and Lauren are so sweet... especially when it comes to speaking of Graham. James keeps telling me how big he thinks Graham is now and still what he thinks he's doing in heaven. Yesterday he said, "Mom, I think Graham is probably as big as you because he's been gone a long time." That was so hard for me to hear...it has been long and I hate knowing that it feels that way for James too. Every time we pass the church where Graham is buried, they excitedly wave and say, "Hi Graham-Bam or Hey Wam-Bam..Miss you Grammie." Again, these are such precious, but heart breaking moments.

I've realized something recently....grief is such a private, isolated matter and yet a very public one as well. It has and continues to affect the relationships I have with my friends, family, and world. But it is in my solitude that I am most obviously affected by my loss. Although I know I will never return to "normal" it has still been difficult for me to accept what now is the new norm. I feel so different than I used to...physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I'm certain I've aged 10 years in the past 10 months. I can't help but wonder how I'd be feeling if Graham were still with us.

We are continuing to try and leave our hurt and sorrow at the feet of Jesus. It's so hard not to question and wonder as we look around and see mother's who don't seem to care for their children. But we must remind ourselves continually that God is in control and this is ultimately part of His plan. Thank you for your prayers...please do not stop. We know that your prayers are the reason we can still get up and breathe each day. The next couple of months are going to be some of our most difficult. We again are so grateful for you....

It's Fall Folks....

2010-11-22T01:15:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe we are heading toward the end of November. This fall has gone quickly and our schedule has been full! James started Pre-K this fall and although the adjustment was very difficult for him (therefore for me) he has grown quite fond of it and his friends. His first exciting event was his school field trip to the fire station. Of course, he was dressed up for the part head to toe. He was almost as excited about riding the big school bus and not having to wear a seat belt as he was to go to the fire station. That's what it's all about... :)

These are his little buddies...the 3 amigos....you will more than likely see all three of them together at school.

The Apple Orchard

We also got to go on a field trip with James to the apple orchard. I had a really difficult time because because a year ago we took all 3 of the kids there...Graham was just 2 weeks old and it was his first big outing. I really struggled emotionally ahead of time and as I was there with the kids, but am so grateful I got to share a fun experience with them both. It was a big step to overcome, but the payoff of making those new memories with the kids made it worth it.

Lauren loves that she gets to tag along on the field trips with us :)The kids learned how to properly pick an apple. Twist, twist, and pull up

to the sky. They were both very proud of themselves for doing it all on their own.

James gladly because a live scarecrow on the hayride as we journeyed back to the pumpkin field. I was picking straw out of his clothes for the entire day....

Mommy+Daughter=some pretty precious moments....

Lauren and I have enjoyed many quiet mornings together snuggling, having tea parties, coloring, doing puzzles, reading and even watching some Disney Playhouse. We also run lots of errands with random stops at Panera for a bagel or at Starbucks for a breakfast sandwich. Although the quiet mornings have been difficult for me, I have so thoroughly enjoyed our time together. These have been such special moments. We are both always ready to go pick James up...by 10:30 Lauren is usually begging to get James.

Trick or Treat 2010

The kids enjoyed a great time of trick or treating this year and we actually did it twice. Once in downtown Goshen and then again in our neighborhood. James' fire helmet got a bit heavy, so it only lasted until the first house. I love that their costumes reflect their interests...a fire chief and a fairy princess (Lauren calls her wand her fairy godmother....love it!)

What he does best....work, work, work....Ever since James was a little boy he has enjoyed working...especially outside. He looks forward to going to Grandma and Grandpa Carpenter's house during the fall and helping cut and stack wood for the stove. We had a wonderful weekend working and making Carmel and candy apples as well as homemade Chinese food. We decided that needs to be a fall tradition!

We have had many more excited events, but these are just a few to keep you updated on the kids. Once again, I'm sorry I'm failing so miserably as a blogger these days. Life keeps getting

the best of me...I will update soon on Lauren's princess birthday party! It was lots of fun!!

Happy Birthday Glory Baby....

2010-10-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

It's so difficult to look at this picture from a year ago and know how thrilled we were to have welcomed another baby into our lives...and now we sit here still feeling so much pain and emptiness as we are left to wonder what our Graham would have been like on his first birthday...

The several weeks leading up to his birthday were actually much worse than I had anticipated. They were full of a variety of emotions...lots of tears, sheer devestation and hopelessness. I usually begin planning the kids' birthday party weeks (ok months) in advance. The devestation of ordering balloons for a balloon release instead of for him to play with and squeal at ripped my heart apart. I wanted so much to be choosing the perfect party decorations and choosing an outfit for him that would match the theme (yes, because that's what I do). I wanted so much to be giving gift ideas to our friends and family and then scrambling to figure out the perfect gift from us. I wanted to take James and Lauren to the store and have them pick out something he would have loved. Instead, we were trying to cope with the fact that we would not be celebrating his first birthday in a way that I had ever dreamed. We would not have the chance to do any of those spectacular things that come along with watching your child grow up. Again, sheer devestation at what we had lost....

I had a dream last week...one different than any one I have had up to this point. Often times I have nightmares of the night we lost Graham or of losing James and Lauren. They're really quite dreadful. For the last 9 1/2 months I have continually begged God to let me just see Graham one more time. I find myself continually disappointed that it has not happened. Last week I had a dream that Graham was given back to us at the same age he was taken from us. He was even in his Christmas jammies. It was under the condition that he live at the hospital. Of course I wanted to be with him all day long, sleep by him, hold him, spend every waking moment with him, but the nurses kept telling me that I needed to go home. And I begged and pleaded with them to let me stay...I couldn't ever leave him again. They didn't understand... The dream was so real. I remember the joy I had when I realized he was being given back to us. But the reality of waking up to exactly what it was...a dream, was simply devestating to the core. I woke up almost in a panic and realized quickly that my Graham was not given back to us. I have wondered if that glimpse of joy I felt in my dream was just a glimmer of what it will be like when we are reunited with Graham in heaven....I can't even imagine how wonderful that will be and trust me, I think about it an awful lot.

I don't know how heaven works and how old Graham would be, but there are things I've chosen to believe about heaven and Graham's life in heaven because it's easier for me that way. Therefore I believe that Graham had a big 1st birthday party in heaven. I'm sure it was incredible and the angels weren't stressing about getting the cake just right. ;) I do think though that my party would have ranked a close second to his party in heaven. I just wish with everything in me that we were able to celebrate with him...to watch him dive into his cake and manage to somehow end up with frosting in his ears. I wish we could have watched him open his presents and try and eat the wrapping paper. I wish we could have seen him bat at his balloons and squeal with delight as he opened new books, stuffed animals, and toys. I wish, I wish...

We had a celebration in honor and memory of our Graham William on the Saturday following his birthday. Close friends and family joined us for a very emotional, yet beautiful evening. It was full of tears and brokenness and yet I really felt like we were honoring and celebrating his 14 precious weeks of life. We ate dinner together, watched the video full of pictures and video clip of Graham's life then made our way out to the cemetary for prayer and a balloon release.

Here are just a few pictures of our evening...

14 white roses representing his 14 weeks of life...and white roses meaning new beginnings...

In leui of gifts we asked everyone to bring a children's book to donate in honor of Graham. We are taking them to Riley's Children's Hospital knowing that they help children from all over the world. We collected over 100 books...what an amazing way to honor our baby.

James and Lauren each picked out a piece of pottery to paint for Graham. James picked out a horse and Lauren chose a dragonfly. Perfect pieces from their hearts. They turned out beautifully and the kids left them so lovingly at Graham's grave. That was one of the hardest parts of the evening actually...watching them so carefully place their gifts at his grave.

If you look carefully you can see the balloons heading toward heaven...balloons honoring our Graham. The kids loved that so many balloons were sent to heaven just for him....they thought Graham would think it was so funny.

I think this is just a beautiful picture of all of my children.

I debated whether or not to include a picture of his headstone on my blog. It is such a beautiful and intimate thing, but I know there are many of you who have asked to see it and would never have the chance otherwise. It's so beautiful and breathtaking especially in person. One of my friends referred to it as "majestic." I still hate with every ounce of breath in me that we even had to choose this and still find myself in disbelief that this is the headstone of my child....my precious baby, but I think it's a beautiful structure.

Thank you so much for those of you who prayed your hearts out for us and for the entire month of Septmeber and specifically the days leading up to his birthday. Thank you for wishing him a Happy Birthday. The week was agonizing and yet I cannot imagine having gone through it without the hope of seeing him again and your prayers. Once again we are humbled and amazed by the body of Christ. We survived one of the hardest milestones of this journey...my baby's first birthday. The milestones are not over and the next few months we are plagued with the holidays and then the anniversary of his meeting with Jesus. Again, when I think about it I wonder how I'll survive. I don't feel like I can, but that is when I try and surrender my fears, anxiety, hurt, and sheer devestation of our loss at the feet of Jesus.

It is Well with My Soul...

2010-08-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

Wanted to show you one of my favorite pictures...this munchkin always had his fist in his mouth. And I love that you can see his big, bright eyes....miss this precious boy so much! I can see

his slobber marks on his shirt and just ache to put a new, dry one on him.

We sang It is Well with My Soul at church on Sunday...I cried the entire time. Luke and I had this sung at our wedding and debated on having it at Graham's memorial service. It has always been a special song to us although it holds such a different meaning than it did 8 years ago as I got ready to walk down the aisle. I have begged God over and over to make this song real in my life. When I think of the phrase...when sorrow like sea billows roll...I realize it is the perfect picture of my pain. And yet I want to say and believe, it is well with my soul. I pray this will

be more real in my life than we could have ever imagined. We are trying to

see God in the midst of the pain...knowing beauty will rise from the ashes...

Our grief is hanging on. Most days I wonder if I will ever creep out from underneath its shadow. Although the shadow is most definitely there, lately, I have been able to at least see where I'm walking. The last week and a half have been the "best" weeks I have had up to this point....this is the longest stretch I have gone without falling into a deep, dark slump. It is the first time I have had several days in a row when I felt as though I could actually breathe...that I didn't have a cement block on my chest. I am so grateful for that and yet in this time I find myself once again feeling like a stranger in a foreign land. I've grown so accustomed to the unbearable pain that having 10 days of it easing up is almost uncomfortable. There also comes a level of guilt even though I know those are just lies, for me they are a reality.

Grief has so many complex emotions and working through them all remains exhausting.

I still think of Graham every minute, miss him, cry for him, long for him, talk to him but the hope of seeing him again someday has been more real to me right now than it has in 7 1/2 months. I hope reading this line brought a smile to your face because several months ago I couldn't fathom finding peace...ever...this is because of your prayers. I remember

walking past his crib a few weeks ago (which is in our room so I pass it frequently)

and for the first time I didn't feel like I was going to throw up or pass out. I felt

almost an inner calm. It was in that moment that I knew healing IS taking place. Often

times I don't feel as though I'm moving forward at all, so it was nice to be able

to see "evidence" of some gains. I'm sure it won't be that way every time, but it happened...

I felt it...

Everyone continues to tell me it does get better. So it must, right? I hope so...I must

believe that it does. And yet, there is something strangely reassuring

knowing that I will always have this empty space in my heart because it means I will never, ever forget Graham. Nothing and no one will ever be able to fill that

very special place I hold for him.

He's my son, my precious baby boy... he will be that forever and ever.

It feels as though I've been grieving forever. I'm still encountering so many firsts...One thing about grief that I never understood is that it's so encompassing. It's not just the ache and the tears that come on holidays or the 6th or 23rd of each month. It's the everyday life

experiences that are constant reminders of what we have lost...what we are missing...I know

that for the rest of my earthly life I will encounter things that will make me long for my son. I'm

continuing to pray that eventually they will not paralyze me like they do now.

I was watching James at the pool several weeks ago and he went to jump off the

diving board for the first time. Exciting right? Absolutely! But after beaming ear to ear I began crying...my joy immediately turned to sorrow because I realized I will never see

Graham jump off the diving board. Those types of experiences

while seeming trivial, continue to fuel my grief. I feel as though my entire

life will be full watching James and Lauren "do" life without Graham.

I often times find myself overwhelmed with how I will make it through life with this gaping hole in my heart. Yes, I know the pain will lessen and the emotions will not be so

raw, but the reality is I will ALWAYS, always miss, love, long for, and ache for Graham. I have to constantly remind myself to take it a day at a time...to stay focused on today... otherwise

I get too overwhelmed.

I'm learning and trying to incorporate my grief into my everyday life so that it doesn't

dominate my life. Right now it is still the first thing I think about when I wake up in

the morning and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep at night. I have felt a sense of renewal over the last few weeks of my body and spirit. I haven't felt so exhausted.

I'm so grateful for this breath of fresh air although wondering when it will end offers a great deal of anxiety. I'm trying to embrace this time knowing that possibly soon

I will be faced with those days and moments again when the tears won't stop,

when my prayers seem unheard, when God seems so far away,

when breathing is work, when I feel alone and hopeless,

when I wonder how I can go on.

Many of you have asked for specific prayer requests so here are a few:

September is right around the corner. Graham's first birthday would've

been on the 23rd. My emotions are already quite fragile as the anticipation

of this date draws near It's going to be really hard.

Please just say extra prayers for me during the next several weeks. Pray for

comfort and a sense of peace that we know can only come from the Lord. But also pray

for extra patience, extra laughs, and energy.

His headstone is also due to be completed by the beginning of September as

well as his memory trunk. We are so grateful to have these things completed

as we want to continue to memorialize Graham, but again it's the brutal reminder

of his absence...of the finality of his life on earth.

Finally, please talk to me... Please ask me how I am doing with my journey through grief

but also what's new in my life. Ask me about James and Lauren and how tutoring

is going. Ask me how many McDonald's cokes I've had that week (okay, maybe don't ) ;)

Tell me things you remember about Graham...how he looked, when you remember

seeing him last...don't be afraid of making me cry. Sometimes I will, but that's okay.

Don't feel badly about it. I don't mind crying...it offers a great sense of continued

healing. Some my greatest moments of encouragement have been when

people have told me what they remember about Graham or that they

think of him often. It makes my heart swell and my spirit soften knowing that others

still think of him and remember him. And I want to hear what's going

on in YOUR lives....I don't want it to be all about me and my sorrow. You are

important to me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you...for your prayers, your notes, and your continued

thoughtful gifts. ...THANK YOU! We are humbled and amazed by the prayers and

support we have received. I would love to do a blog post

sometime on the amazing, thoughtful things people have done for us...for me. It's

really quite amazing. You are all really Jesus-with-skin-on friends.

We love you all...more than you will ever know and you hold such a special,

special place in our hearts.

Summer Living....

2010-08-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

Wow...it's been 2 whole months since I've updated the blog. A lot has happened since then and yet a lot has stayed the same. We have been keeping very busy doing fun, summery things and I am grateful for that. I am also grateful for summer time for two other reasons: water and sunglasses. They are the two perfect ways to disguise tears and for that, I am very grateful. When James suspects I may be teary eyed he makes me pull down my sunglasses and says, "Mom, let me see your eyes." It is sweet and sad all at the same time.

Here are some things that have kept us busy....water balloons, many trips to the park and pool,

lots of time outside pretending to fight fires, maintain farms, play baseball, soccer,

basketball, tennis, sidewalk chalk, bike riding, garden maintenance, fishing, playing with cousins and friends, soccer camp, the 4-H fair...
James and Lauren are doing so well. They are just fantastic kids...not only do I love them with all my heart, but I thoroughly enjoy them. They make me laugh and they make me

smile with their funny comments, their snuggles, their hugs and kisses, and their love for us, for each other, and for Graham. James is starting Pre-K next Wednesday

and I can hardly believe it! I'm even more emotional about it than I anticipated I would be. I am so excited for him to go and learn and meet new friends, but it's one more

step toward growing up, toward not needing me the way he always has....

I'm looking forward to spending some special time with Lauren while James is at school. She so thoroughly enjoys one-on-one time with us. I plan to do lots of fun things with her. I also get scared about staying busy and keeping myself occupied. When I have just one of the kids with me it seems to be an even larger reminder of what is missing...

our Graham. I'm nervous about this transition stage, but am going to do my best to use my time to invest purposefully in Lauren.

Here are several pictures that show bits and pieces of what we have been doing this summer...

I will try and start doing a better job updating the blog so you don't have to read an entire

BOOK when I do update ;)

We took James to the rodeo! What a treat that was for him! And, we had "special" seats which

made it even more spectacular! We had such a great time with him

Riding a pony at the fair...

Sitting on tractors while waiting for the rodeo...

Riding rides at the fair in the rain...so fun....

James "teaching" me how to fish...hilarious! :)

A lot of snuggle time with the 3 of us...

Dress up...

James going off the diving board without floaties. He is SO big!

Swim lessons...

Soccer camp...

Swimming at Grandma & Grandpas....

Fishing at the pond....we caught a fish almost every time we cast the line.

Beach fun...

I will update soon on how I'm doing with life...with my grief journey...

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying your summer!

Grief

2010-06-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

Many of you have probably already seen this picture...Isn't it amazing?! A lady in Australia writes names in the sand of babies who have gone to be with Jesus. It's breathtaking and what I think of when I dream of Graham being in paradise. I have wanted to go to Australia my entire life. Now, my dream is to stand on the beach at Mullaloo Point in Western Australia where my precious boy's name was written in the sand at sunset.

I have promised an update for quite some time and I apologize that I'm just now getting to it. I feel I have been open and honest with my emotions as ugly as they have been from the beginning almost 5 months ago, but I seem to be hitting a point where I'm not as comfortable sharing the nitty-gritty ugliness of my grief. Sometimes because I can't believe I'm still here...and to be quite honest, I rarely have words to express the thoughts and feelings that I still battle with daily...hourly at times. This post will probably jump all over the place as do my thoughts, but this is where I am.

The ache that is still so present in my longing for Graham still has no words. I feel as though a minute doesn't pass when I have not thought about him...most times still with sadness that he is not with us making sweet memories, wearing swim trunks, putting everything in his mouth, trying to crawl, helping celebrate holidays and family birthdays. But there are also times when I think of him and find myself smiling. I have such wonderful, precious memories with him in his 14 weeks of life. They say (and I believe) that losing someone you love is the greatest emotional wound possible. And that losing a child is the greatest of those wounds. Therefore, I try and remind myself that this terrible place that I'm at is "ok" and "normal" and again, that I won't be

here forever.

I still struggle with the death of my hopes and dreams that I had not only for Graham, but for our family...for James and Lauren. I don't want to accept that I will live with this gaping hole for the rest of my life. Not only was I forced to bury my precious little boy, but I buried bible songs I would have sung, little clothes, and his first day of school. Luke buried the baseball glove, playing catch and watching him grow to be a man. I've lost a great deal of my innocence about life. I miss when life seemed a little more black and white and not so gray. I miss when answers were simple. I miss when overwhelming to me used to be wondering when I was going to have a chance to take a shower and shave my legs (not really that petty, but I think you get it :) ) I miss the overall happiness and joy I used to feel about/toward life. I just miss the way things used to be...

I'm dealing with ugly, new emotions that arise from the depths of my being. My emotions are unpredictable and therefore often times embarrassing. I'm trying to move past my anger and bitterness knowing that I cannot continue to heal as long as they are this prevalent and yet it's so hard...it's brutal. Everything has two sides and it is a really tough balancing act. I want people to talk to me about the kids, me, life...anything other than my broken heart, but at the same time I want people to ask me how I'm doing with this whole grief thing, to talk with me about Graham, because I'm afraid he will be forgotten. And I'm not ok with that... I want to know that people are drudging through the mud with me, and not keeping a safe distance. I suppose I want fellow travelers on my road of misery. This probably sounds awful, but if you are walking with me or have experienced any grief, it probably needs no explanation. The best thing you could ever say to me is, "I feel your pain," or "This is awful," or just listen. I have all the head knowledge I feel like I could possibly have, but right now there is a big disconnect between what my head knows and what my heart feels and believes.

I try and brace myself for the "firsts" such as obvious milestones like holidays or monthly birthdays, but often times I am blindsided by other things that cause me to fall into a heap, usually figuratively, but sometimes in reality as well. Each date gives me a cause to grieve and a fresh awareness of our loss. We were driving to my nephew's birthday party over the weekend and I cried...a lot...because I will never have an 8th birthday party for Graham or buy him tee balls. He will never watch us make homemade popcorn or be the victim of James' brutal squirt gun target practice. My entire life has changed...and I don't like it one bit (the change). Although I believe daily we can make a choice to choose life, it's not easy. And some days and times are
much more difficult than others.

Right now I also feel as though I didn't/don't want to be a sweet sacrifice if it means I lost my Graham and am at risk of losing other people in my life. This isn't what I prayed for...at least I didn't think it was. If this is part of the deal then I want out. We dedicate our babies and pray for them. Why in all of God's love for me was saving my Graham outside His reach? I understand that our children are a gift from God, but to actually believe that to the extent where I must accept that His plans were different than ours and that Graham would be taken from this earth is simply mind boggling. I'm having a tough time letting go of the past.

God's timing seems wrong to me.

I'm learning that my emotions, even the intense ones, are horrible but won't kill me as I once thought. I'm learning that I can be vulnerable and real...and live to tell about it. Although I know I won't always be in this place, I'm here now...today...

I read this piece in a book and it summed up my emotions so well:

Real grief is not easily comforted. It comes like ocean waves rushing up the sand,

subsiding back, only to roll in again. These waves vary in size, frequency, and intensity. Some

are small, lapping up around the feet. Others are stronger; they foam the water around you and cause you to stagger. Then there are the overwhelming waves with an undertow that can turn your world upside down and drag you out into the deep waters.

For those of you who are reading this, please pray for us...all of us as we are
still looking face to face with our ugly reality each day. Pray for grace and peace, patience and understanding, hope and joy. I do believe God ordains all things for His glory and our good, and for the good of Graham too.

Thank you again for walking this journey with us.

The Everyday...

2010-05-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give a brief glimpse into a few things we've been doing here in the Carpenter household over the last several weeks...we have been very busy!

Easter

You can imagine the anxiety that filled the weeks and days before Easter...our first "real" holiday without our Graham. The thought of celebrating without him was devastating and very emotional. Knowing that I was not buying him and James matching Easter outfits gave me a constant pit in my stomach. I had thought of all of the things I would have filled his Easter basket with if he were here. It was so hard to know what to do...I didn't want to get him an Easter basket and yet I didn't want to NOT get him one...again, it just feels wrong...like he's being forgotten. I spent a lot of time out at his grave that day and wrote him a long letter. I am grateful for the meaning behind Easter because it is because Jesus died and rose again that gives us the hope of seeing Graham again someday and yet (I feel) it's the same God that didn't remind Graham to breathe on January 6th...you can imagine my many emotions during this time even as I recall it several weeks later. After James opened his Easter basket he said, "Mom, I bet Graham got an Easter basket in heaven and he's probably going to church just like us." He is so precious in the way he remembers and thinks about Graham.

We had an emotional, but nice time with the kids...watching them open their Easter baskets and hunt for eggs with their cousins and be reminded of the true meaning of why we celebrate Easter. Reminding James and Lauren too that because of His death and resurrection they will get to see their precious Grammie again too...

Who told this little man he could get so big? Oh my goodness, he looks so handsome

and grown up! This was at his preschool program, but I couldn't get the picture to move down with the others. After about 8 failed attempts, I decided it would have to stay right where it is!

We colored many Easter eggs, and a cute little striped shirt of Lauren's. (oops!)
And we ate a lot of eggs...

***

We have made a few trips to the fire station

James went the first time with just Luke and it was a neat experience for him. They were all so kind and accommodating. They let him do and see just about everything. He wears his firefighter outfit often and puts out fires with the house hose usually every day...

Lauren got in on the action the next time, but I didn't have my camera with me.
***
We went to the circus...

They were standing in line to ride the elephant. It was very neat. The circus was

great! We had great seats and were able to see the animals closely. I'm not going to lie, I had my

escape route all planned out in case the tigers or lions escaped. It involved Luke distracting them as we ran :) No really...I did have an escape route. They didn't get out though and we didn't need to use my plan...

***

James' Spring Preschool Program

Doesn't this picture just make you laugh?! I mean, if they were going to have him be a flower, couldn't they have given him like a blue or yellow flower! Pink...really? :)

My parents came to watch James' big performance and he was so proud!

This was his favorite song called, "Sticky Bubblegum." They were chewing it during this part (I believe). It was adorable....

James got to be an apple tree for one of the songs. He thought that was lots of fun and of course we were VERY proud! :) His friend, Lillian, had to shake him and make the apples fall. It was pretty stinkin' cute! We were such proud parents, beaming from ear to ear the entire time.

Who couldn't love this face?! (Lauren...that is...) We finished off the night with ice cream from The Chief. It was cold out so Lauren was wrapped in a blanket. James was running around which is why I don't have a picture of him...I did try though...

The kids are doing well....we are spending lots of time outside playing in the sandbox, riding bikes, gardening, playing in the hose and just about everything else. What neat kids I have if I do say so myself! :)
They are so excited about our vacation to Florida. We are going to Disney (I've never been) and Gatorland. I'd like to take them to the beach as well, but we'll see how things are going down there. It is a very bittersweet time for us. We are so excited to get away and make some precious memories with James and Lauren and yet so saddened that Graham is not going to experience these memories with us. Please pray for me during this vacation and on Mother's Day. I'm thankful not to be home where I am even more surrounded and reminded of what we have lost, but will still have an incredibly emotional day. I'm so grateful for my 3 precious children...but I do wish that all three were here with me.

I will do an update on dealing with my life and grief. So many of you ask for updates, but the emotions that are involved in sitting down at writing out my jumbled thoughts and emotions is quite daunting. The last 3 weeks seem to have been some of my most difficult yet. I will update you all very soon! I hope you enjoyed our update on the kids. And again, please say extra prayers for us while we are away!

Love you all!

A New Season...

2010-03-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

My earthly angels...

I hardly know where to begin as I write to all of you... I must thank you all again for your continual prayers and thoughtful notes, lyrics to songs, books about how to cope with grief, meals, toys for the kids, and the special things you have sent for just me...whether it has been something to pamper myself, a McDonald's Coke, or a special piece of jewelry that has Graham's name engraved on it. Thank you for inviting us over for dinner or dragging me out to dinner (girls). It is such an important part of our healing. Again, words cannot adequately thank you...you are all part of our journey...fortunately and unfortunately...

This post is going to be long...and full of a range of emotions...I'm preparing you now (don't say I didn't warn you!) ;) I have wanted to update it sooner and more frequently, but seem to have so little time when I can emotionally invest in typing it out...it has felt so daunting...so here it is...lots of it...Graham would have been 6 months today. I can hardly believe it.

Here's the answer to the dreaded question... How am I? I'd like to say that I'm "better" than I was almost 11 weeks ago when Graham left us, but I've tried to be honest with you all up to this point, so why stop now huh? It's horrible...awful...and in so many ways it's getting worse. The shock is still there many times, but the numbness has faded which makes the ache even more overpowering. Life is moving on...James, Lauren, Luke and I have gotten into a new routine. It is so hard and yet I know we must. We have to get out of bed each day and do life. The memories that we continue to make with James and Lauren are haunted by the thoughts of what could have been...Don't get me wrong please, James and Lauren are the loves of my life...nothing can or will ever change that, but my mother's heart still aches and longs for Graham. I know so many things that should make me feel "better." For instance, although I know I will see Graham again someday and it gives me a glimmer of hope, it doesn't "do it" for me. Although I know nothing can be greater than heaven, in my mind...being with me...his mom...his dad...James and Lauren and everyone else who adored him...nothing could possibly better. I'm hopeful that someday I will have more comfort in those things, but right now I want him...HERE...WITH ME...We are getting out more...doing things with friends...and it's been good...very good. It's always emotional when I come home and put the kids down for naps or bed and I'm alone.

Here we are 76 days later...on what would have been Graham's half-birthday. It's hard for my fingers to type that and to see through my heavy tears. I sobbed last week thinking about giving Graham rice cereal and knowing that every time I would shut the spout of the cereal box, it would probably have sent a puff of dry rice cereal to scatter on the counter. I wish so much I was cleaning up puffs of Graham's rice cereal right now. I'm sure he would have had a tooth or two...we thought for sure we felt one coming through right before he died and we laughed because James had his first tooth by 4 months. I will never see his little legs in shorts, or hear him giggle and see him splash in the kiddie pool. He never even got to go on a walk in the stroller. I wonder how much he would have changed. His hair was starting to get lighter. He was so sweet and pleasant...would he have started to like riding in the car? Probably not...he loved human interaction and touch. What would he have thought of the outdoors? Surely he would have loved them as much as his brother and sister. So many unknowns...

It seems that everything right now has two sides...we are doing a lot of fun things with James and Lauren and it's great...for them and for us...but even between the laughs and the smiles, there's the ache...All of you know of James' love for farm animals...especially cows....I had dreamed up taking all three of the kids out to see the cows this spring. That may seem funny to some of you, but the fact that Graham will not experience the sound of their loud moos that always seem to startle us and of course their smell, just rips my heart into more pieces. Many of you have asked if the warmer weather has been good and although it has because we love to be outside...again it's just a reminder of the seasons changing...life moving forward...and our shattered dreams. All of the things I thought we were going to be doing WITH Graham not with Graham in mind.

I still find myself plagued by questions as I replay that Wednesday and the days prior to that over and over again....I wonder if I missed anything...I'm so grateful that I didn't worry about cleaning up the mess from prepping dinner that afternoon. I thought about it but I wanted to just play and talk with Graham before I left. Silly boy wasn't interested in nursing that afternoon because he just wanted to look up at me and smile with his big, brown eyes. He played a little game with me...he would stare up at me and I could feel him just watching me and the second I would look down and smile at him, he'd get so excited. He'd kick his little legs and move his arms and make all sorts of blessed noises. I can see it and hear his sounds clearly. We'd play it over and over again. I'm so grateful I have those precious memories of just the two of us...and the late nights when we would snuggle and chat after everyone else went to bed especially with just the Christmas tree lights lit. Our life is just so different than it was. I know you've heard me say that hundreds of times and it hardly sums it up...but it is. I feel like I'm part of that old movie, Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Or that I'm watching a bad Lifetime movie. It feels so out of body. My emotions are still so fragile and I cry so frequently. There are seemingly endless amounts of kleenex everywhere. Mostly used...some not...it seems that every time I put on anything with pockets, there are wads of kleenex in the pockets. Our grief is all encompassing. I have a hard time looking at people in the eye because I don't know what to say...and I know they don't either. This obviously creates very awkward moments socially. And normally, I don't feel awkward...I love talking with people...it's just amazing how much our loss has changed our surroundings.

The kids are doing well...they are enjoying the warm weather. We've already had many trips to the park, Tractor Supply, to see the cows, playing in the sandbox, riding bikes, and washing the van. They are just the best! They adore each other and love each other's company. They have many hugs, kisses, and I love you's for each other and for us every day. They both still talk frequently about how much they miss Graham and can't wait to see him. James has had concerns about who is tucking Graham in to bed and that tears me up...Lauren waves to his picture when she goes to bed...bless her heart. I wish I had their innocence.

Right now it seems that sorrow is my dominant emotion. I pray that in time it will become a part of my life but not my life. This new life with these new circumstances have required new adjustments, lots of growth, and constant struggles. Through this we are praying that we can begin becoming hopeful that life still can be good, although never the same as it was before or what we ever dreamed it would be. We have so many lost hopes and dreams...answers are missing. Large parts of our hearts have been ripped apart knowing they will never be completely repaired. Life is so fragile...

I find myself imagining our own story fitting into some greater scheme. I'm sure the half of
it which we may never fathom or even know. I do not see the bigger picture, but I have to choose to believe there is one and that our loss is part of some wonderful story God authored. I wonder about how my experience with loss will be able to help someone someday. Although I do not understand it and often times do not "feel" like it, I must believe that God is working toward an ultimate purpose and using our tragedy to that end. I have to believe that...otherwise it seems that this pain and hurt is for nothing. And that....I simply cannot bear.

Please continue to pray for us as we continue moving forward. Pray that we will continue to know how to answer questions James and Lauren may have. Pray for my emotions....the tears take such a toll on my physically and emotionally. It's just exhausting. Please continue to pray for Luke and I together that we will remain patient and understanding when feelings are abnormally sensitive and nerves are worn. We both miss Graham so much and although we
have laughed together many times, we also find ourselves wishing we were laughing without any reserve.

I'm going to leave you with something Luke emailed to me this morning. Love this guy...
I can’t really deal with it… sin robbed us of so much – but I have to find something to focus on… to be honest I can only think of what it will be and those who have gone thru this before us. God was enough when everything was good – now it seems like He’s gone. What we have to remember – even though it’s hard and we just want Graham – is that this is God’s specialty. He came to restore and comfort and fix what sin has destroyed. “blessed are those who mourn.” I can’t say it’s all the time and I surely can’t quantify it, but it does feel like God is slowly but surely putting feeling back into my numb body… God is not a tame lion and i cannot wait to see Him unleashed as sin and its effects are finally gone and sorrow is no more."

Please continue to pray for us. We love you all so much and are so truly grateful for you.

Here are a few pictures that I hope bring you smiles as they do me...

It was really tough to get pictures with and of the kids without Graham but we did it and I'm so grateful for them! They are both getting so big....wow....

Shattered Hearts...

2010-02-06T09:05:00.000-08:00

Our precious Graham William (a.k.a. Grammie, Gram-bam, Grammers, Wam-bam, Grambo,

G-man...) One month ago, our lives changed in an instant and forever...it came to a screeching halt and wreaked havoc in every direction. I kissed the kids goodbye at 4:39 p.m. and called my mom on the way to tutoring to tell her how blessed I was to have the life I did and how precious Graham was and how much I adored him. In that moment I felt I was the luckiest woman on the face of the earth. Luke laid Graham down for his evening nap like he had done countless times before. I came home from tutoring and went to wake him up to nurse him. I was horrified to find he was

not breathing and unresponsive. The events and emotions that followed are horrific and traumatic. A typical Wednesday evening instantly turned into the darkest days and moments of our lives....that night and the days and weeks following we have felt unspeakable and often times unbearable pain. I have cried more tears in the last month than I probably have in my entire life put together. I have felt pain and sadness that cannot be put into words. My body has ached and felt physical pain and torment because of my broken heart and spirit. I have struggled with the why's and the what if's and have wondered how this could have happened to us. When I wrote that blog entry a few months ago titled You're Gonna Miss This...I had no idea that I would be wishing with everything in me that I could turn back the clock, wishing I could somehow go back and change the course of our lives. I have found myself bargaining with God. I have thought about all the things I would give up and live without just to have him back in my arms. I have struggled with the idea that God "allowed" this to happen to my baby. I've questioned where He was that night. Why didn't he just save him? It would have been so easy. I've understood first hand the ugly reality that life is unfair...and quite frankly, that stinks terribly. It's horrible and cruel. That this situation was completely out of our control...I did everything in my power to

be the best mom to Graham, to love and care for him unconditionally, to give him everything he could have ever needed and wanted...and yet...that wasn't "enough." That's hard for me as a mom. Those of you who know me well, know that I live and breathe being a mom. I love it with every ounce of breath and life in me. I have always felt blessed and grateful for what we had. And yet, somehow I wasn't able to protect and save my own baby. I long for the past and yet have hope for the future.

Everywhere I look I am reminded of what we have lost...our dear Graham. I began finally putting some of his worn, but unwashed clothing in zip-loc baggies in attempt to save a piece of him. I have a blanket of his that I often hold tight while I weep. It smells greatly of him and yet a bit more of me is beginning to be left on it and I hate it. His smell is starting to fade...again the reality of the finality. James asked to move his car seat back up to the front in the van and I can hardly entertain the thought. Not that it's any better looking at an empty base, but again it's the finality of it all. It's the reminder that life is moving on. I don't know if that makes sense...it's weird...although I know he's not coming back, I somehow feel that in every piece that gets taken away or put away, is a reminder that's he's gone forever. I don't really want life to move on because I don't have my precious baby and I can't imagine how I will and yet I don't want it to stay like it is because the pain is inescapable and I know time will help heal the wound. One thing that has been very difficult as well is taking pictures of the kids. I love taking pictures, but it just seems so "wrong" to just be taking them of James and Lauren. I peek in on the kids at night and feel as though someone has kicked me in the stomach when I see Graham's bedroom door open...dark and quiet. "This isn't that way it was supposed to be!!!!"I think...I just want to scream...

I had thought so much about all the things Graham would get to do with us. I will never hear him tell me he loves me or feel his arms around my neck. He will never taste play-dough, play hide-n-go-seek with James and Lauren, or laugh uncontrollably while being tickled. I have a difficult time not dwelling on all of the things we will miss doing with him. No first steps, first birthday, first swim, first foods, first day of school, first date... Each day I think about what he would have been doing, how much he would have been changing. I long to hold him again, to feel him slobber on my arm, to change his dirty diaper, to wipe up the spit-up, to give him a warm bath, to talk to him, sing to him, nuzzle him and love him with everything in me.

I'm trying to be the mom to James and Lauren that I need to be...that they deserve...and that I want to be. It's hard...it takes everything in me to nurture, love, discipline, and teach them each day. They are my constant joy and I am so grateful for them. They are precious...my ray of light in the dark tunnel I am in. Shortly after we lost Graham, I vowed not to let my kids lose their baby brother as well as their mother. I am so grateful for the thousands of prayers and messages I have received. I do believe it is the prayers of many and by God's grace that I am able to get out of bed in the morning. The kids are doing well. James talks frequently about how much he misses Graham but has often times said, "God must have just been ready for Graham to go to heaven." He asks when he will come back and when we can go to heaven and see him. Lauren doesn't seem to quite comprehend it. She gets excited when she sees his picture or his things, but hasn't verbally acknowledged his absence. We have hugged and kissed balloons and sent them to heaven for Graham. James especially loves that.

We are so grateful for the outpouring of love, support, and prayers we have received from so many people. Thank you for standing by us right now when we have nothing to give in return. The pain is still so incredibly raw and the ache is overpowering. Right now I can't even imagine not feeling this way. We know we have a long journey ahead of us...and I'm sure at times an ugly one, but we will come through this...somehow...some way. I do believe we have a choice whether we decide to live and love freely again. I want to choose to do so and hope that in time I can and will.

Please continue to pray for us as we are still trying to adjust to this new normal which right now I hate with everything in me. Please pray for the kids as they continue to ask questions about Graham. Please pray for me as a mom as I continue doing and being the things I need to for James and Lauren. Pray for our marriage as we have been stripped of everything we grew accustomed to. It is going to take time for us to heal individually and adjust to this new norm together. Pray that we will have patience and understanding toward each other that we both so desperately need. Pray for my physical strength as well. I still don't have much of an appetite and get sick shortly after eating. This has really taken it's toll on my body physically. I feel as though I am a stranger...I hardly recognize myself. I have feelings and emotions I have never felt and my body is anything but "normal."

Through this tragedy we know we must cling to the hope that we will see him and hold Graham again someday...our precious Graham. We miss you so much...you hold such a large piece of our hearts. We can't wait to see you again someday. I have never been so anxious for heaven! In the meantime, we will do our best to honor you by the way we live our lives.

A brief recap and a few favorites...

2010-01-05T11:20:00.000-08:00

We have been very busy over the last several weeks as many of you have as well...Here are just some of the things that have kept us busy. We have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of these holiday festivities and just being a family making many precious memories!!

Christmas Tree Shopping

We went to The Chief again this year for a tree, but it was absolutely frigid that night and despite our attempt to bundle the kids up, the wind was relentless. We found a tree....quickly...very quickly...
Poor James....it was C.O.L.D. I felt terrible for him. This was his face after 2 minutes out of the van...literally...Lauren didn't care as much, but this expression was frozen to her face the entire time.
James was reenacting the man cutting the trunk off with is own chainsaw version. It was pretty sweet. Look closely and you can see Luke's big, work glove on too. His hand is in there somewhere ;)
I love watching the kids decorate the tree. Although, there were about 25 bulbs in a 5 inch radius :) We left it like that until we hosted Christmas. I figured I'd spread them out a bit.

Cooking Baking....We didn't do our annual cookie baking party with my sisters and the kids this year. It has just been a crazy kind of year. The kids loved doing everything with me and I sure enjoyed it although I had to pick out a few egg shells and had a lovely dusting of flour all over me.
Almost the favorite part....the frosting, sprinkles, and eating of the cookies won by a bit.

Christmas Eve in their new Christmas JammiesThis picture sums up what these 3 precious kiddos look like many times. James and Lauren are constantly lovin' on Graham. He is one lucky, little boy!

Lauren giving Daddy his good morning kiss on Christmas morning.Christmas morning family picture right before opening presents. The self-timer did a pretty good job!

Ahhh...the snow fun!!!!!
James got a new "James size shovel" as he calls it for Christmas and was thrilled that we drove home in a blizzard and he was able to use it. He has shoveled the driveway many times over the last few weeks!

Lauren loved being pulled in the sled and they enjoyed going down the hill in the back yard. I wasn't able to trek through the snow to get pictures of that...hopefully soon.

They have built 3 snowmen, just to be destroyed when they are finished. I guess that's a boy for ya and a girl who follows everything her brother does ;) So much fun and such great memories!

Last, but not least....my sweet, precious baby boy turned 3 months! Wow, it truly does go faster with every baby! LOVE HIM!!!!!

He smiles and talks to us lots and lots. He would prefer to be entertained by one of us than a toy. The kids both get so excited when the see the monitor lights blinking because that means he is up. And when he fusses they take turns trying to bring him different toys. It's really one of the most precious sights for me as a mama.

He loves his fists and hands. He knocks out his pacifier to get to them. They're often times pink from being sucked on...

Lauren has just become a little mommy to Graham. She loves to snuggle with him, give him things, and tries to pacify him when he's upset. He has brought us so much joy. We're dealing with some minor bumps right now. He's pretty small, so we're trying to supplement a bottle each day of formula to see if that increases his weight. But, he vomits terribly when he takes a bottle. We're trying to figure out if it's the formula or the bottle. We are getting ready to try reflux medicine as well...he doesn't sleep well at all and we don't know if that's due to his size or anything else that's going on...Pray for us if you think of it. It's tough to know how much to push and when to continue asking questions and try new things. He is just the best! I adore him!!! :)

We are so blessed by fantastic family who love and support us, great friends, healthy, vibrant kids and an awesome God who we celebrate during this season. We have so much to be grateful for.

Happy Birthday "Meesh"

2009-12-05T11:29:00.000-08:00

In case you are wondering about the name "Meesh," Lauren's middle name is Michelle and quite a while ago we started calling her Lauren Meeshelle, which James somehow picked up on and started calling her Meesh or Meeshy. It has just sort of stuck and I think it's rather endearing. I especially love hearing James refer to her that way!

Yes, it's true...our baby girl turned 2 on the 25th of November! I cannot believe it! It is going quickly and it seemed she literally grew up overnight especially once Graham was born! We had a fun tropical fish themed birthday party for her and believe it or not I have a lot of pictures, but none that are that great! It was tons of fun, but there were LOTS of people and kids and Lauren was never sitting still OR facing the camera! uggg! So, here are a few of my favorite shots taken in the last few weeks!

Her birthday breakfast....one of her favorites...pancakes and a side of apple ju-ju (apple juice)

We had a few days of sunshine and the kids got in a good hour of playing outside. One of her favorite things to do is push the stroller around outside. She's a happy girl!

Last but not least...one of her 2 year pictures that Darcy took. Most of you have already seen them, but this is one of my favorites. It shows her spunky little personality and also how much she is starting to look like a "young lady." Wow...just love this girl!

Here are some special things about Lauren at 2:

-she loves reading books by herself and being read to. She will often times crawl up on laps with a stack of books and sit through them all

-she loves food!!! This girl can pack away the food but you'd never know it by looking at her. She's a tiny one (in the 97% for height and 10% for weight) At this rate she could be a supermodel ;)

-she still hates veggies and can find them in anything and in any form. We've hid them well and she will be chewing, spit out everything in her mouth, pick out the veggie then put the rest back in her mouth. It's awful!!!

-she loves candy! We have to hide my tutoring basket which she has robbed many times and my purse because she will dig through it in search for gum!

-she loves to laugh and everything is a game (which has its pros and cons)

-she is a hairtrigger! She has been known to clear things off an entire table in a matter of seconds without a seconds notice. (we're working on that)

-she's very stubborn. She would rather miss out on something to stick it to us, than to give in and do what she needs to do to get it (like say please).

-she's been in time out more by the age of 2 than James has in almost 4 years :) Seriously...

-she loves her daddy....she will often times take her blanket to him and snuggle up on his lap for a long time!

-she loves to set up animals and play with James. That is until James doesn't think she is doing it right ;)

-she is very dramatic! This may just be a girl thing, but WOW she is so different than James as far as her emotions are concerned.

We just love her to pieces and will continue doing our best to mold her in to the young lady God wants her to be!

Trick or Treat

2009-11-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

Well, we braved the wind and cold again to show off our cutie-patooties and gather some sweets. We thought they were just precious! And for the record, both of my kids dodge the camera when they see it coming out, so I don't have many great pictures of them. I think I'm going to dress them back up and get some more ;) They'd love that! HA!

Our little ladybug...

And the policeman....Both of those pictures of the kids was within the first 10 minutes BEFORE their noses were bright red and they couldn't feel their fingers.

How pitiful is she. I'm pretty sure her hands were frozen around her basket and yes those are Easter baskets. I have an excuse though; the little, plastic pumpkins were sold out everywhere and this was James' solution. I tried to talk him out of it. :) Really? Collecting Halloween candy in our Easter baskets?

We had a great time, but we only made it half-way around the neighborhood when Lauren started shivering uncontrollably and James started crying, so we went home, warmed up and headed to Grandma and Grandpa's for the rest of the evening. It was fun and memorable! We all end up at G&G's when we're done trick or treating and they give them treats and the cousins play. It's a great tradition!

Graham even got in on the fun. He was a red, hot chili pepper. I thought it was just precious! He obviously isn't quite so sure...

He's had enough! Graham and Lauren both loved his little outfit! :)

The Pumpkin Patch (twice)

2009-11-05T11:10:00.000-08:00

So, for the last couple of years, we have taken the kids to get a pumpkin and enjoy the fall festivities that come with the pumpkin patch...hay rides, wagon rides, popcorn, apple cider, etc...This year was particularly difficult to find a time to go because it has been so cold and rainy. So, a few weeks ago when we had those beautiful days, we packed up the kids after an early dinner and took them to the pumpkin patch. Well... it was closed. ARGGG! It had closed a half hour before we got there. We knew we couldn't go home because the kids were anticipating a fun filled evening. So, we played at the orchard for quite a while. It worked out well because the kids played on the tractor in the hay and ran around and we didn't have to worry about staying out of people's way. So fun... Here are a few pictures from our first attempt...

Love this picture of James!

Boys being boys...

Doesn't miss Lauren look so grown up here? She had a blast running around...NO BOUNDARIES=HAPPY LAUREN! ;)

Graham even got in on his first fall activity. He slept in the car most of the time.

Pumpkin Attempt Take 2:

1 word for this morning out- FREEZING! It was cold and windy, but we bundled the kids up and ventured out for the perfect pumpkin. Here they are...oh and there was mud...lots and lots of mud!

The hay ride was by far the favorite event for the kids. Lauren laughed hysterically the entire time. If you are wondering what that rather large bundle is in my jacket, don't worry I'm not smuggling a pumpkin. It's Graham in the baby Bjorn. He stayed very warm in there and slept the entire time despite the incredibly bumpy tractor ride.

The "perfect" pumpkin
James is into these super, goofy faces right now for the camera. So, this is his happy face.

Here's a better shot of what was stuffed in my coat...a sweet, baby boy! :) We had such a great time and made great memories. It was worth the bitter cold the second time around. And just for the record, after braving the wind and cold for a pumpkin, carving or "guarding" it as James calls it didn't fair so well. As soon as we cut the top off and started to pull out he insides, James started dry heaving terribly. Yep, our weak stomach child couldn't take the sight or the smell. I couldn't stop laughing. Lauren enjoyed it a bit more. James left the table never to return to the pumpkin..Oh well...there's always next year!

You're Gonna Miss This...

2009-10-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days, hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times,

Take a good look around,

You may not know it now

You're gonna miss this...

This is one of my favorite songs right now by Trace Adkins. If you don't know it...you have to find it! It's the best and I just LOVE it! You all

know I don't need a reminder about savoring each day and moment with my kids, knowing

it's all going to go way too quickly...I'm a real sap like that, but I'm trying to relish even

the everyday, mundane, sometimes monotonous "duties" that come with

being a mom. Sometimes our kids want us to do things that we have done "a million times before" or when we just sat down, but we know they are going to grow up and that we would do anything to do the little things just one more time... (I'm teared up as I'm writing this. I told you I'm a sap. I'm ridiculous!)

These are some things I/we want to enjoy every day...even though sometimes I'd rather be doing something else...

-building countless animals fences, barns, and hospitals

-feeding them various things such as grass and green pepper

-reading Shiver Me Letters and Guess Who I Am 10 times a day

-making countless play dough snakes, pizzas, and bird's nests

-giving bucking bronco and piggy back rides until my back hurts

-playing hide and go seek and pretending every time that I'm shocked James and Lauren found me ;)

-eating breakfast, lunch and dinner together...even though sometimes I feel like all I do is prepare and clean up meals

-playing Gone Fishin' even though trying to catch the fish on that little pole annoys me!

-answering MANY questions about things that sometimes I don't have a clue about

-looking for raccoons, deer, cows, and horses anywhere and everywhere we go

-stopping to look at the horses and buggies even if I'm dying to be home

-building forts and tents of various shapes and sizes

-putting together the same puzzles

-blowing on bellies

I try and cherish each day with the kids. Some days I'm better at it than others. I've been reminding myself to do it more especially with 3 little ones now, I'm trying to stop

and enjoy the little things even more because let me tell you...it's busy! I believe I have

the best job as well as the most important job on earth!
Here are a few pictures of some of the things I don't want to miss out on...

James and Lauren destroying the house, but having a BLAST and using their imaginations!

More imaginations being used...even though my first thought was, "Really...can't we just leave the seat alone?" They had everything imaginable in this seat...books, clothes, blankets, stuffed animals...

This is my favorite...Luke gives James and choice every night of how he wants to get to the bathroom to brush his teeth. James always asks to be hung upside down. Then Luke brings him to me and I blow on and tickle his belly...every. single. night. It gets old and at one point Luke was done with it, but he said, "When he's 19, I'm going to wish I could swing him by his feet just one more time." (And I'm teared up again...)

You can't see her feet, but she has one my high heels...Love it! In a few years, this won't be "cool" at all...

He won't be this small forever...savoring these newborn snuggles

This was a long post...but my challenge to you mommies out there is to enjoy the little things with your kiddos today even if you want to be doing anything but what you are doing. Remember, You're Gonna Miss This... what would you give just one more time to do with your kiddos? Tell me...

He's Here...

2009-10-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

Yep...I did say HE...Graham William was born at 4:55 p.m. Wednesday, September 23. He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 21 inches long. I just can't get enough of him!!! He's just precious! My delivery went really well and I didn't have to be induced. I was given one dose of cytotec and 12 hours later went into full-blown labor. The delivery was PERFECT and I only pushed for less than 25 minutes!!! And thankfully it was a quick delivery because the cord was wrapped around his neck pretty tightly. Thankfully he was fine, but he was an ashy color and didn't cry for a bit which is really scary for a mamma. Within the hour he perked up fine and has been just perfect ever since! The kids love him, especially James which hasn't surprised me one bit. It's been funny, he thinks he's going to see him grow up like...NOW. He asked me over the phone last night if he had his teeth yet? I couldn't help but just laugh. Lauren is good with him when she pays attention to him, but she's just been doing her own thing. She hasn't seemed too
jealous yet which is great! The kids have been with Luke's parents this week and I miss them terribly! I can't wait to have us all home together although it has been a HUGE help! Here are the pictures of our little man. This was right before leaving for the hospital. Going to have a baby!!

Here he is

We were so proud and shocked that our little Graham was a boy!!

James just loved him!

Here we are as a family

I can't get enough of our snuggle time

Here he is...wide awake!

LOVE HIM

This is the closest Lauren has gotten to Graham!

We are so grateful and feel so blessed to have another healthy baby! I'm so happy andcontent with all I have!

The Zoo

2009-09-09T19:57:00.000-07:00

Luke and I have been wanting to take the kids to the Ft. Wayne Zoo all summer, but our weekends have just been too full. I decided it was now or never since we have a baby coming in less than 2 weeks. So, I asked Luke's parents if we could all go when I stayed with them this last weekend. It was perfect! We had such a great time. Little Miss Independent a.k.a. Lauren, isn't in as many pictures because she wanted to be out and walking and not riding in a stroller. Therefore, she was eating many snacks while looking at the animals.

We rode the train which was lots of fun and both kids enjoyed that. In fact, I would

have preferred taking the train around the entire zoo! ;)

Lauren enjoyed the farm animals because she could get up close and personal with them.

We opted not to go into the goat pen because they were mauling the other people in there. A bit much for the kids...they were content with petting them through the gate.

This was the BEST part of the entire zoo (at least I thought). James got to feed

a giraffe. It was amazing to be that close to them. It scared him the first couple of

times when the giraffe stuck out that tongue to get the lettuce. He just thought it was great!

He even got to play some bongo drums....another highlight of his day!

This was the end of a very long, fun time at the zoo. Lauren was a few hours past nap time and we were all spent! Thank you Grandma and Grandpa for a great day!

Where has time gone??

2009-09-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

So, James had his first day of preschool yesterday and what can I say, he LOVED it!

We had debated sending him to school this year since he has 2 years before kindergarten,

but thought he would not only enjoy it, but benefit from it. You all know well how much

James loves his mama...and being with his mama...all the time. I was a bit apprehensive

of how he'd do, but he was a CHAMP! He was so looking forward to going and got right out of the van, said he loved me, and walked away. I was shocked, but pleased. No tears or anything.

Well...from James that is. I cried a bit and thought, "This is it..."

Here he is ready to leave the driveway. He was annoyed that I wanted ANOTHER picture.

This is terrible lighting, but I couldn't resist the picture. This was baby right before

heading out the door for his first day of preschool.

He loved painting and snack time. He liked painting and being a firefighter. He said he liked painting

because they got to wear "big daddy shirts" so they wouldn't get paint on their clothes. I loved hearing that! He could even tell me several of the names of kids in his class and who he shared

toys with. I can't believe he is growing up so quickly...I need to stop blogging now or I might get all emotional again!

Hard At Work...

2009-09-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

So, I told you all in my last house that we were working on some internal transformations and I'm glad to inform you they are finally FINISHED! (well...almost....some of the trim needs to may its way back on the walls). Bless Luke's heart he worked for 3 1/2 days straight...literally...with like 6 hour sleep breaks to complete the ceramic tile! Wow, was that time consuming. I don't think we would ever do that large of a space again, but we LOVE it and it looks great! Here are a few pictures of the changes. I only took one of the before...I know...terrible...but it was kind of an afterthought. We also got new carpet and I picked out some new decor...it's like a whole new house!!!

The "before" picture. I've always hated this awkward wood design that was supposedly a transition from the kitchen to the living room. Luke has always said he was sure the builders were covering something up and BOY WAS HE RIGHT! We found all sorts of mishaps underneath that awkward wood design.

Here is the view coming into the front door....

Looking toward the front door. This is the best angle of the tile (I think). Luke did a great job!

Here is some of my new wall decor which I also love!

*************

And another new addition to our house is simply because I have the BEST in-laws ever!

Yes, you read that correctly....they are great! And this picture proves it! This last weekend the kids and I spent the weekend at their house while Luke worked on the flooring. I have been

sleeping miserably lately and my emotions proved it! They had gotten a new mattress set in Luke's old bedroom
that I got to "try out" for 2 nights and my sleep was 100% better...

So...literally 8 hours after I returned home with the kids, my in-laws showed up with an entire new mattress set for us/me hoping I would sleep better. Is that amazing or what?!?
It wasn't in stock in the Ft. Wayne or Elkhart stores, so they drove all the way to South Bend

to pick it up!

This picture doesn't show it's true height. Luke said I should've taken a picture with a yard stick next to it. It's almost 36 inches high.

The only trick is the size...it's SO TALL! I tried to get some pictures to show you just how tall it really is. I'm still getting used to getting in and out of bed. I have to roll out right now with this belly right now ;) (And yes, that is a baseball bat underneath the bed...I am paranoid about intruders and I'm sure to ward them off with that!?! That...and the Ab-roller next to it!)

Give me your best guess...

2009-08-18T06:11:00.000-07:00

Well, we are keeping very busy as usually friends. I am trying to do as many things with the kids that I can since I know it will be much more difficult once we have our third. I am officially in nesting mode...poor Luke is probably grateful I didn't nest quite like this with the other 2....Here are the major changes we have made/are making:

-Luke traded in his BMW for a minivan...poor guy...yes, that's right readers...a minivan. Yes, I swore

I'd never drive one and we avoided it at all cost, but it was really the only option and

guess what? I like it...a lot!

-We painted our entire upstairs (finally)

-We are getting new carpet (HOORAY) many of you know what an eye sore that has been for me

-And....drumroll....we are redoing our kitchen and laundry room floor. Oh, I'm so happy!

I am going to feel like I'm in a new house (well except for the whole space issue).

Someone asked me if we had the 7 year marriage itch we we don't at all, but my goodness we

are making a lot of changes! Everything (Lord willing) should be finished before the newest

munchkin arrives...

Little Lake Fun

James had a great time giving himself a glorified spa treatment of a sand bath. He had so much fun covering himself and then washing off.

I'm sorry for the organization of my pictures. I have NO idea

what has happened and how to fix them so I'm leaving them just the way they are. We took the kids to a little beach over the weekend and had such a great time! This is the first time Luke has gone with me when we've taken the kids to the beach. We had such a great time playing and being a little family. I loved every second of it...well, other than the fact that toward the end I was light headed and short of breath ;(

Luke made them their own water holes which they both just loved playing in. Lots of other kids thought they were cool too and tried to join them a few times.

Always fun watching them together.

Pregnancy Pictures-3rd times the charm...
My favorite photographer (Darcy) who has taken the pictures on several other occasions did my pregnancy pictures. She got LOTS of them and there are some really neat ones. I am including some of my favorites, but if you want to see all of them I will have to send you the web album.

My belly is ginormous! I do love that she got so many pictures of Luke and I together. After all...he is the baby-daddy :)

James is usually loving on my belly many times throughout the day. When it came to picture time there were too many other things he wanted to do like hunt for turtles.

This was the most difficult any family picture has ever been to get. The kids, especially Lauren, didn't have any interest in sitting long enough to get a picture. So...this is the best we could do. It's so "them" and so "us."

So, I am 35 1/2 weeks...YIKES! I cannot believe that the birth of this baby is literally right around the corner. I get scared every so often, but we're excited. I am officially entering the uncomfortable stage. Bending down or having the kids sit next to me while I read them books/jab, poke, and crawl on my belly is agonizing. I don't remember it being this difficult last time around. Sleeping is officially impossible, but other than that I really do feel good!

So.....I'm taking a poll since who knows when I will post again... What do you think the sex of this baby is? Be sure to leave a comment and give me your opinion. I've always thought girl. My sister said based on the torpedo coming out of my stomach...she thinks it's a boy :) Happy guessing!

Oh July...how I love you...

2009-07-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

July is a great month for many different reasons: first of all, it's the month we got married which makes it the BEST, it's blueberry pickin' time, it's pool time, and it's fair time! These are some of the favorites in the Carpenter household and they all happen in the month of July...

7 Years and going strong...

I cannot believe it has been 7 years since I married this man! Wow...words cannot describe the joy that I have and the journey we have experienced...here we are 7 years later, 2 3/4 kiddos and happier than I could have ever imagined I could be...really...I am constantly reminded of the man God has given me and how grateful I am for everything he is and everything he does for us. He's the best! I know the next 7 years are only going to get sweeter...and busier...and bigger...And an fyi..do you know how we spent our anniversary? At the Elkhart County 4-H fair. Ha...does that mean we are rednecks???

***

Blueberry Pickin'

I love picking blueberries...this year I thought it would be fun to take the kids along with me so they could help. James and Lauren both enjoyed it thoroughly...at least Lauren did for the first 10 minutes and it was all down hill from there. Our strong willed child was displaying and extremely strong will that entire weekend and weekend (I cried many times). Therefore, we only picked 2 lbs. of blueberries...yes...a measley 2 pounds! It won't make many pies or cobblers and really wasn't even worth the effort, but James had a great time and Lauren enjoyed eating them for a bit. We'll try again next year...

***

It's Fair Time...

If you remember last year friends, we made many trips to the fair really so the kids could enjoy the animals. This year was no different except Luke made me promise to keep my camera home all but once...Yes, I know sheer torture for those of us scrappers...but it drives him nuts when I'm trying to catch the perfect shot and it doesn't help that my camera is ginormous...needless to say I didn't get pictures of James eating the giant corn dog or us feasting on elephants ears and Dairy Bar ice cream, but trust me...we did...and it was all delicious!

James and Lauren both LOVED the animals. We spent a great deal of time in the various animal barns. James enjoyed feeding the horses their hay. We even got to see some of the baby piglets being born.. that was really neat!

Grandma and Grandpa Carpenter came down one evening to go the fair with us and we had a great time! The kids even rode a few rides...Lauren wanted to ride more, but she wasn't tall enough for most of them which she wasn't real happy about. If she could talk I'm pretty sure she would have given those carnies a piece of her mind!

They loved this little train ride and we sure enjoyed watching them laugh and giggle at each other as it went around the track.

***

Pool fun

My kids sure love being outside, but since it hasn't been that warm we haven't spent as much time in the pool and sprinkler as we did at the beginning of the summer. Here they are at G&G Bogue's. James' goggles crack me up...

***

Just because I love the way they play...
So this picture has nothing to do with the month of July except it they have been playing in the dryer many days during July. They are so fun to watch. Often times it's Hide and Seek, but the other night Lauren decided to join James in there. I just think it's funny and sweet. Nothing sweeter than watching and listening to your kids play together. And just think...in less than 8 weeks we will have another munchkin in the mix of things!!! YEAH!!!

***

32 weeks and still growing....

And here is the 32 week belly shot. I'm having my maternity pictures taken so so I will be sure to blog those as well... It's coming quickly! I cannot believe it!

Capturing Moments

2009-07-15T05:57:00.000-07:00

These are the pictures I had taken of the kids a couple of weeks ago that I promised to let you see. Here they are: I just LOVE the way my friend Darcy was able to capture the moments, quirks, and personalities of and between James and Lauren. These are just several of many (110 to be exact) that are some of my favorites. Enjoy scrolling through them!

I love how big and blue her eyes look in this picture

This is the sweet smile I think of when I think about James...this is the same smile he gets on his face when I ask him if he knows how much I love him...

We had trouble getting a picture with the two of them together. Lauren wasn't real interested in James getting "too close" therefore James wasn't interested in being batted away by her. :) This one is just endearing....it's sums up the relationship I hope these two always have...

I love this face and the fact that we "have" it. She makes this a lot...especially when she
sees something she likes.

I love this one too...anything James does, Lauren does. She has so many of the same interests and bents that he has...So cute...

Have a great week! I will post again soon!

Summer FuN!!!!

2009-06-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

Chicago...

We set out a few weeks ago for Chicago on the South Shore Train hoping to spend the day at Shedd Aquarium. For the most part, all went as planned...James enjoyed the train ride (although it was long!) and he enjoyed the animals at Shedd (for about 30 minutes...yep...you read that correctly...but we know James' attention span is short, so we weren't too shocked), ate at McDonald's, fed the ducks, rode the water taxi, skipped a nap, and had some of his favorite people with him for the entire day: Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa Carpenter, and uncle Andrew. It was a really fun, exhausting day! We hope to take James back to the aquarium when he's a little older and when there aren't hundreds of people there.

Here we are on the water taxi...we WALKED to Navy Pier from Shedd (about 4 miles) and it was good exercise, but we opted to take the water taxi back...Thank the Lord because I might have gone into labor... ;)

One of James' favorites parts of the day was feeding the ducks all of his snacks ;) Of course we needed to go to Chicago to do that! ;)

He finally fell asleep about 10 minutes from home. It was sweet. I'm not going to lie...I enjoyed every second of my sleeping "baby."
*******

Imagination Running WILD

So, we have had the joy of seeing and hearing James' imagination run wild these days...and it is SO much fun. Here is just one of the many pictures I have of James letting his mind run wild...Here is the scenario, so please let yourself imagine with him...

Here he is on his motorcycle (a.k.a. hot wheels) with his helmet (a.k.a. gas mask) on...on his way to work. He has on his work jeans (it was 90 degrees that day) and his work shoes. After work he was going to give plasma and then he said he would be home. Usually he rides with the gas make covering his face and I literally cannot stop laughing. You should see people looking at him as they drive past...PRICELESS! He tells me all about what he does at work all day and that he will be home later. One day I said, "I'm going to miss you after you are at work all day. When are you going to see me?" He said, "I will see you for 2-5 minutes mom..." So precious...

********

Keeping Cool in this Heat....

So the last few weeks have been HOT and you all know how much my kiddos LOVE to be outside and how easily I get warm and sweat, so the fact that it was 85 degrees by 10:00 a.m. , I have raging hormones and am carrying about 18 extra pounds has been tough for me. I run through the sprinkler and sit in the kiddie pool (sorry....no pics of that..hee hee). We have been trying to do things that involve allowing me to fully immerse my preggo body in the water. Last week we spent a few hours at the lake with some friends and it was p-e-r-f-e-c-t! Lauren loved it! She just floated in this the entire time! And James enjoyed every second of the water...I was a bit unsure how he'd do, but he loved it. He has told me many times since then that he wants a lake! :) We will get right on that James!

My water babies...

*********

Last, but not least...my ever growing belly....

Here is a picture of me at 28 weeks! I am getting BIG!

I'm getting to that uncomfortable stage where it's tough to get off the couch quite as easily or bend down quickly and I have found my belly running into things that I "think" I can squeeze through. I haven't been sleeping real well at night either...it is coming quickly....James asks frequently when the baby is going to be here and has been taking care of his "own" baby. One night he stayed up til 11:15 "feeding" the baby. He is going to be such a big help! Right now we are trying to finalize a vehicle... (which I think will end of being a minivan) Yes, laugh at me all of you who know me so well...I said it... a MINIVAN!!!! It's a tough decision....

I have beautiful pictures of the kiddos that my friend Darcy took, but I am not sure how to get them off of my computer where they are at now and onto my blog, so I will post again soon...PROMISE ...and with that I will update you on my sweet little 19 month old fireball, Lauren.

Don't give up on my blog readers! ;)

I have failed as a blogger....

2009-05-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

I know I'm failing miserably as a blogger...why do I wait SO long to blog? I always have too many pictures and I never want to put them all on, but I still have L.O.N.G. posts every time. Again...this is just a random assortment of a few things we have been doing over the last few weeks.

We are outside....ALL THE TIME...no really. We head out about 8:45 after breakfast and usually don't come back in until it's time for lunch and then we head back out until nap time, again after nap time until dinner, and after dinner until bath and bedtime. Really....we are NEVER inside. The kids love being outside and I do too. Unfortunately, my housework takes a major back seat during the warm weather months. Oh well...I'm enjoying time with the kiddos. Here is one of their new toys thanks to their Great Aunt Karlo. Matching cow bouncers. The kids enjoy them and Lauren especially likes when James falls off his. She laughs hysterically almost falling off herself.

I LOVE this picture of the two of them looking at each other....they truly are great buds!

Lauren enjoys being outside and following James around doing many of the things he does. One thing she especially enjoys is playing in the wagon. She climbs in and out, buckling the buckles, and putting the seats up and down.

This guy is just happy he's outside...nothing else matters to him!

******

And...I turned the big 2-9 on the 21st. My girl friends took me out for a night of fun and pampering. We got pedicures, Italian food, and they took me to the most AMAZING scrapbooking store! It was a perfect night! They're the BEST!

Then a couple nights later, my sisters and mom took me out for a great birthday dinner and gifts without kids...this is a first....and we really enjoyed a dinner where we got to be completely selfish and do nothing for anyone except ourselves. I think I eat more when I don't have kids with me ;) We had a fantastic time. I have had a blessed 29 years on this earth!

*******
Memorial Day Weekend
at Grandma and Grandpa Carpenters We began the hunt for critters. Luke and his brother used to look in ponds by their

house for critters...crawdads, turtles, frogs, etc....Luke thought James would enjoy it too,

so Andrew, Luke, James and I begun our hunt....it was LOTS of fun. I enjoyed watching

James' enthusiasm as they spotted and captured many critters. We walked away

with 9 crawdads, 2 turtles, and a clam. What an adventure it was! We brought them home

with us and they are in an aquarium. And one of our crawdads had babies...lots of them! James has asked if they could take a bath

with him...funny boy...He loves them and checks on them frequently. He has already talked

about going back. I'm sure we will make a trip to the ponds and creek each time we visit

Grandma and Grandpa Carpenter.

Here he is bravely on a rock looking for crawdads. (yes, that is a pool skimmer) ;)

I love how patient Luke is with James...
My heart always swells with love and excitement when I see James and Luke doing these fun

father-son adventures. I just LOVE it! (I'm sure you couldn't tell by this post)

Here is one of the little turtles...it's so cute...James is learning to be very gentle with it.

*************

Our Lu-Lu

Our precious girl is officially one and a half years old! WOW!!! I will say what I always

say too...she continues to fill our hearts and home with joy and lots of laughter. The girl just wants to laugh....all the time....life is a big party to her!

We are enjoying her fun personality and how she interacts with us and James. She is a little social bug. If she's sees kids out in the neighborhood, she brings us her shoes, sits down, and begins squealing with delight. She is just precious! We can't get enough of her....

Checking In...

2009-05-06T11:16:00.000-07:00

Hello family and friends...it's me again...we are continuing to keep very busy and are enjoying the nice weather daily. Here are a few family updates. Enjoy!

James has started swim lessonsand hated them...he cried the entire 45 minute session during the first week and hated when they forced his underwater. They had me go upstairs to watch so he wouldn't make a mad dash for me. For all of you moms, you know how difficult it is to watch your child MISERABLE while doing anything. This is the look of one very exhausted little boy...mostly from crying (hard) for an entire 45 minute swim class. He just wanted to get home!
This is the face of my brave little guy at week 2...somehow...miraculously...he was "happy" the entire class even when he had to go underwater. He was so proud of himself and asked to get McDonald's afterwards to which I promptly replied, "You bet. Anything you want." ;) I hope that tonight and the rest of his lessons go this smoothly. It was nice getting to watch him poolside. Things like this can be really scary and difficult for James and I am so proud of him for persevering! This is the first of many for the rest of his life...
****
Our 17 month old Sweetie Pie

Yep, here she is....getting bigger and better! She loves to do everything James does including ride his go cart, so Luke fixed this little motorized 4 wheeler and yep...she rides it...and loves it! She seems so big to me when she does these kinds of things! She has continued to be such a joy...feisty, but with LOTS of personality and we LOVE it!

She loves to laugh, loves to be outside, is a picky eater, HATES when I leave her, loves

her daddy, loves her brother a lot, loves animals and books, and loves playing in the

sandbox. She is continuing to say and repeat a lot of words and we're enjoying that

a lot.

****
And... here is my 21 week belly....

It's betting big...quickly...I have an ultrasound on Friday and we are very excited. I just want to know everything is ok...you mamas can relate...we ARE going to be SURPRISED this time with the sex of the baby and that is exciting for me! I feel great...big already...but great! James hugs my belly all the time and tells me he is going to take care of me. So sweet. The baby is moving a lot and James got to feel it last night which he thought was pretty cool. It's such an incredible reminder of the life that is growing inside of me...so incredible!
****

Luke's job is going well...I know I don't update on him too much. He has beeen
supervising and enjoying it a lot. I'm so happy for him.

****

I have kept very busy tutoring this school year and those of you who know me well know that I have been looking forward to the break of the summer... Well....that's not going to happen. Although I'm grateful for the opportunities... I had 2 phone calls over the weekend in a matter of 20 minutes and added 4-6 hours a week of tutoring this summer. That puts me right around 8-10 hours a week this summer...That's a lot! A lot of lesson planning and prepping. Thankfully some of that is going to be done during the kids' nap time so I won't be missing out on time with them...that's VERY important to me. I have had several people that have said they passed on my information to others, so I guess I just have to decide what my limit is of kids. When I started tutoring, I never dreamed it would become this "big." Again, I feel very grateful especially in this difficult economic time.

Easter Weekend

2009-04-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

What a fun weekend! The kids have been fighting a sinus infection that has lasted FOREVER...but in the midst of that we had some fun events... Here is the trip to Lowe's for the craft on Saturday morning. Lauren and I went this week and that was fun to watch and to snap some pictures of the boys hard at work...here is the birdhouse. (I don't have a picture of the finished product because James wanted to move on to bigger and better things i.e. shop vacs, mowers and chain saws before he was finished). Any of you surprised??? Me either... :)

Safety is #1

Hard at work

Thank you Daddy!!!!

*********Easter 2009

James wanted to get down and play with his cousins...NOT take a picture...

My parents with all 8 grandchildren...I can't believe they are sitting THIS well...

You can imagine how CRAZY things were!

Lauren enjoyed breaking open the easter eggs and finding jellybeans. In fact, she LOVED them!

James didn't really "get" or care about the whole easter egg hunt. He just meandered around looking at the eggs. I had to tell him to pick them up. Sometimes he would pick up eggs and put them in his cousins' basket...uhhh hello??? We decided to do it inside since it was a bit chilly and windy so it was tough to get pictures. There were A LOT of excited kids looking for eggs. He did manage to get some and was excited to see what was inside. He especially enjoyed the gum. This kid LOVES gum!

We had a great evening with family and enjoyed great food! Now I need to go on a post Easter/Easter candy diet! :0

I love the look on her face when she pulled easter eggs out of the basket we gave her. It was priceless. She just likes shaking them and gets a pleasant surprise when they break open and spill jellybeans....oh happy day!!!

James enjoyed his Easter basket from us. He found his "big" gift...a basketball a few days earlier and I just couldn't tell him to wait...he has thoroughly enjoyed that!

We are trying to ration out the many pounds of candy we have. James asked for it the second he got up this morning....Crazy kid...I told him he could have a piece after he ate his oatmeal and yep, it was gone in record time!

I hope you all had a Happy Easter and enjoyed time with family celebrating our risen Saviour!

A Tag....and an Update...

2009-03-29T17:52:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by my lovely friend Darcy and I was "supposed" to look a bit more stay-at-home-momish.....but I had been visiting a possible preschool for James earlier that day. So, I did put a bit of effort in to trying to make myself look like a presentable, put together mom! :) Hey, first impressions are important.

Here were the rules:
1. Take a picture of yourself right now. No primping or preparing. Just snap a picture.
2. Load the picture onto your blog.
3. Tag three people to play. Remember, if you are tagged on another blog, we will all be heading to yours to see if you played along.

**I don't know that many people who blog, so I'm not sure how successful this will be,

but I will try! If you read my blog...PLEASE comment so I know who you are!!!

I'm tagging Sara, Elizabeth, and Nichole. Good luck ladies!!!

****

And of course a little bit of us...

Lauren turned 16 months on Friday (can hardly believe it) and here are some fun facts about her.

This is the face she ALWAYS has when she recognizes something or someone or is watching something intently. She usually starts babbling uncontrollably once this face appears.

-She is saying a lot of words like....dog, dadda, mom, dink (drink), bball, bubbles, ball, bye-bye, mama cat, bike...

Luke hears more words that she says that I do...I'm not sure why that is

-She is such a daddy's girl. She often times crawls up in Luke's lap and snuggles in with him for a while. It's the sweetest.

-She loves pizza, Popsicles, and pink lemonade.

-She LOVES to laugh...She'll do anything for a good laugh. Which also means she's a bit antagonistic.

-She pushes, pushes, and pushes...We just keep telling her we're going to keep pushing back. Yes, we are already having these conversations with our 16 month old! :/

Her new favorite "toy" is the mirror. She loves to just look at herself and make funny faces.
Then she laughs uncontrollably. It's just hilarious to watch.

Here she is kissing/licking the mirror. If she's still doing this at 13 I'm going to be concerned for the boys...

James got in on the fun too. That was even more fun to watch, but she kept pushing him

out of the way. She wanted the ENTIRE mirror to herself. Get used to it James! :)

Lowe's Project #2

Here is James' second Lowes craft. It's a yard mobile. He enjoyed making another craft and

could hardly wait until 10:00 on Saturday morning (Lowes craft time). He is anxious to get it outside and use it. He has such a great time with daddy and enjoys his weekends when we are all home together. He just asked Luke if he would go fast to work tomorrow so he could see him soon. Sweet huh???

Hey! We're havin' a good time...

2009-03-18T05:39:00.000-07:00

Ahhh....this weather is just spectacular! It gives me/us just a glimpse of what this summer is going to be like for us! It's going to be a fun one.../You are all aware of James' love for the outdoors and Lauren seems to be more in love with being outside. It's been a little rougher as far as the temper tantrums and melt-downs go...but totally worth it! They get to run and play and jump and walk and explore....I L.O.V.E. IT! Here are just a few pictures of some fun we've had.

Lauren loves walking up and down the driveway and finding things in the grass. She seems so big and independent as I watch her outside.

This is her favorite thing to do outside...the bubble car. She loves to get in it and just sit and every now and then she enjoys being pushed around. My favorite is when James gets in on the action.
Favorite picture right here....She loves to push him in the care which just looks so funny to me. Probably because she is the little one ya know?

The Hot Rod

He still loves his bike but enjoys it most if he's wearing my sunglasses. The funny thing is, they fit his head. I always knew I had a small head, but really...he's 3...

************

Fun with Daddy-doo

So, I think I'm a pretty laid back mom of a boy and I believe I let James to lots of fun things like

pick grass for his animal farm and then give him a trough of water for the animals to drink out

of (inside), let him bring in piles of wood to "start fires" and build things with...but when it comes to the fire...I'm a little more cautious. This is where Luke gets to come into the picture and be the HeRo....and quite frankly it's fun for me to sit back, watch, and smile. Although I do have moments where I have to bite my tongue because I think, "He's not really going to let him light it HIMSELF right? He's 3!?!?!?"
Here's a little fun they have been having indoors here the last several nights after Lauren

goes to bed. James thinks it just fantastic!!! They have also been cutting up wood with the chainsaw and having big fires in the garden. All of which James just lives for. Luke is a great dad for a little boy!

More Father-Son Time...

These are the days I felt like I was just waiting for as a mom. Watching Luke spend

incredible, quality time with James doing "guy stuff." And you all know James loves all the

rugged boy stuff so it works out really well! I love that James is getting the opportunity to

do some many fun, hands-on, crazy things.

Luke took James to Lowes on Saturday morning just to look around and there was a class going on for kids. So, Luke being the AMAZING father that he is, took James to it. He LOVED it (James) ! He

got a little apron, goggles, and his own hammer. All things James wears on a daily basis here anyway...now they're just his size! He loves it. He has several pieces of wood that we have always let him drill screws in or pound nails into, so having these props to go along with it was just icing on the cake.

He made a little NCAA March Madness basketball hoop which he loves because of his love

of sports and specifically basketball.Unfortunately he got so excited after showing me that as he tried to jump over it, landed on the rim and broke it. But...now it's being held together by black electrical tape. Hey, it still works!

Next weekend they will be make a mobile, so I'm sure James will just have a blast!

And just for laughs...here is a little conversation I had with James a few days ago.

James: "Can we go to Lowes?"

Me: "Why sure... I don't know why not."

James: "Oh, I just LOVE the smell of Lowes!"

Me: "Really, baby...why? What's it smell like?"

James: "It smells like shop vacs, lawn mowers, chainsaws, and snow blowers. That's what it smells like."

Me: Wow....really? Can't wait to smell that!

James: "I'm so excited to go to Lowes."

It was just priceless...really because we don't go to Lowes that often. The funny thing is when

I walked in I immediately noticed the distinct smell it does have...pretty much smells like wood to me...but bless his heart you know? He knew.....and to him it smelled like

all of his favorite things. I LOVE THAT CHILD!!!

At Work...

Still wearing the goggles upside down! :)

We are continuing to keep busy and enjoy each day and moment with our kids.
We have the same conversation almost every night...how blessed we feel for all

that we have been given...especially our kids!

Lauren- 15 months

2009-02-25T18:37:00.000-08:00

15 MONTHS....Wow!!!

Let's just say this picture/face sums up Lauren at 15 months!!!!

Look at this little attitude! I wish I could capture all of her stares and dirty looks. She's got 4 that she uses/misuses regularly! We love her dearly, but this one his a little hot-head!!! She is happy and sweet the majority of the time, but when she doesn't get what she wants, you'd better
WATCH OUT!!!

This is her, "You are all a bunch of idiots look." Real cute huh??? :0

She is not saying a lot of words, but she loves to mimic sounds and laughs which is pretty cute. She has mastered, "hot, uh-oh, and dadda." She is just precious though. She makes many sounds and gets on her cell phone and rambles on and on, but we aren't sure what she's saying.

Other Lauren facts at 15 months:

*FOOD- this girl can out eat James and often times eats at LEAST what I do for a meal!

It's crazy!

*She loves to mimic things we do...dances, sounds, motions, and anything James does.

She tries to play with James' toys the same way he does.

*She HATES being confined. Grocery shopping is torture for all of us (other shoppers included) because she simply doesn't want to be contained. This also means she screams in the

car pretty much anytime she is in it. Booo......

*She has a little temper and is very dramatic. She swings at us (with both hands) and sometimes tries to gouge our eyes out...really...We've had to start time outs in the pack in play. Boy it's

interesting I tell ya...James was difficult in such different ways than she is....I have a feeling our

parenting is going to be much different for these two...

*She is very sweet....the majority of the time and loves to just prance around the house.

*She loves music and dancing.

*She loves being read to...a lot and anything.

*She is also very interested in animals....just like her brother.

*She doesn't enjoy her naps very much. She goes down well, but isn't sleeping

long. She averages about at hour and half (many times less) which at 15 months just simply isn't enough! She is ready to get up at P-A-R-T-Y!!!

*She LOVES the people she loves....she just melts when she gets to spend

time with the grandparents and loves to be with Luke. She loves to snuggle

and is always up for lots of affection.

Well, that's our not-so-baby girl in a nutshell! We just adore her!

A couple weeks worth....

2009-02-12T13:40:00.000-08:00

Here is a bit about what we have been doing here in the Carpenter household....I have been such a terrible blogger lately and maybe this first picture will give you some insight as to why....although most of you know this by now...the first thing on our list of things we've been doing...making babies...(is that appropriate to say) :0

Yes, baby #3 should be joining us sometime around mid September. We are very excited! I am just about 9 weeks although I look like I'm about 16 weeks! I am showing SO much sooner than I did with my other 2. I was trying to find the picture of my 23 weeks pregnant with Lauren to show you that I am literally the same size now...a bit depressing...but hey, what can you do?

So how am I feeling? Well, I am very tired! Again, more tired than I remember being with the other two, but part of that could be because I have 2 munchkins to care for and I am tutoring a lot more. I have been trying to get about 9 hours of sleep a night which feels great and helps me survive my days. Poor Luke though...by the time I get James down to bed, I'm ready to C.R.A.S.H!!!! I also don't feel as great as I did with the other 2. I am nauseous in the middle of the night and must force myself to eat immediately when I wake up. But once I eat I usually have a terrible stomach ache...vicious circle right now I tell ya!!! I am not complaining though all of you pukers out there, but it isn't much fun to feel yucky!!! So, really this baby growing inside of me is part of my lack of blogs. I just don't have the time and when I have the "time" I just don't have the energy.

We've Been Playing...

So, it's either been a blizzard outside or freezing cold this winter so we haven't spent much time outside. During our warm up (before the snow melted) James got to play outside and enjoyed that a lot! We played out a lot over the weekend too, and I'm pretty sure Lauren is going to love the outdoors and much as James does! She threw a tantrum each time we brought her inside. This summer is going to be so much fun! Seriously! I can't wait!

We nixed James' "paci"

We always said we didn't really care if James' kept his pacifier until he was 3. That's when his doctor said the limit is. So....you may be judging me right now...but we just got rid of them. This is a picture of him sending them away to the pacifier fairy. That night the fairy sent him exactly what he wanted in return (imagine that!) :) A big horse and some bathtub paints.It went much better than I had anticipated and had only one night of 3 solid hours of crying! Not bad...seeing that he's had that thing for 3 YEARS!!!!!

We're Growing Hair... Well at least Lauren is! Aren't' her little pigtails adorable! She HATES when I put them in or do anything with her hair. Very frustrating...how could I have a daughter that doesn't want her hair done?!?!!? Doesn't she look even bigger with them in?! I love them!

We're feeding our many animals....

James has been feeding his animals at his meals and snacks. Just today he was feeding the cows and horses spaghetti noodles. I love listening to him and watching him. It cracks me up! He tells them he knows they don't like what he's giving them...that they just eat grass and apples. Guess he figures we force him to try things he doesn't like so he will inflict this same pain on something else!

We're Working on our Budget...
and Lauren is our helper! She sat on the ground for a solid 45 minutes one morning putting money in James' piggy bank. She loved it and I was fascinated with her fine motor skills being
able to get those coins in that tiny slot. When her coins were gone she would dump them out and start over again! She loves these kinds of activities and thankfully James only ripped the bank out of her hands twice before "sharing."

We're doing some spring cleaning...

If this is what you call cleaning! haha...James has both shop vacs in the house right now and he just carts them around. Today he was sweeping and mopping off the large one.

He just kept telling me he was cleaning it and I said, "Good for you baby!"

Just because...

I HAD to include this picture to give you all a good laugh! James somehow thought for SURE

Lauren would want to see his shop vacs as soon as she woke up this morning. I mean, why not right??? Here he

is carting them in and telling her all about them. Of course she just laughs and squeals

which completely confirms him!!! Oh the shop vacs!!! Notice BOTH of them in there???

We are LOVING being a family I'm telling you...these 2 are inseparable! That is unless James is trying to build a fence for his animals out of blocks and Lauren insists on knocking it down. But they really, truly adore each other! It is amazing! I am not sure she's going to fair so well when we send James to preschool

next year. She is just bored without him! I love it and am excited to add another to the bunch! They are always hugging and kissing each other! My favorite is when Lauren wraps her little

arms around James' neck and attempts to kiss him and James just melts! He says," She loves me!"

Again...I know this is long...but that is our life right now in a nutshell!!!!

James' 3rd Birthday PaRtY!!!!!

2009-01-30T12:07:00.000-08:00

Well...many of you have been asking when I was going to finally post pictures from James' 3rd birthday party. It has taken me this long for 2 reasons: 1. I don't have time and 2. I am unhappy/disappointed with the pictures that I do have which aren't many. Do those of you who have kids feel like it is an absolute madhouse once the party begins? James never wants to stop long enough to have a picture taken for anything. He didn't even eat any of his cake...he just wanted to run around and play. I am glad he had fun...but was disappointed about my pictures. So, here are a few. I don't have many pictures of the actual cow decorations. That one was my fault. I missed them in the hecticness (is that a word?) of the day...

The Cow Cake

I wasn't real sure how this would turn out and when I am pregnant I don't have much patience for details, so you can imagine how that worked for me! :) I am happy with the way it turned out and more importantly James LOVED it! He thought it was hilarious and asked to look at it at least 15 times before his party ever started! He couldn't wait

until Lauren woke up so he could show her. That made me very happy and it was worth the work!

Some of his gifts...

Yes, your eyes are not misleading you. He did get his very own mini shop vac and Luke had to immediately put it together for him. My sister got this for him. Hilarious isn't it? He is going to be set by the time he's out on his own as far as household tools and gadgets. He loves it and has cleaned up many things with it!

He got many, many animals to set up and play with which have kept him very entertained over the last week. He loves them all! He also got a truck and horse trailer as well as a 2 barns! He just sets them up all day, feeds them, and takes them for walks...I'm enjoying watching his imagination run wild!

Isn't this adorable? My MIL couldn't find cow paper, so she made her own. James also got many cow stuffed animals and a cow puppet. We have a lot of black and white around here right now.

This is Sunday morning before church. I made him a go cart at his request out of his tinker toys (also a b-day gift) and is giving his animals rides. Aren't you girls proud of my tinker toy skills? :)

He got a bug back pack, sleeping bag, flashlight, and canteen/water bottle that he has also enjoyed playing with. He's ready to go camping...I am hoping we can have a camp out in our living room here in the next several months.

We always try and get a family picture at each event....James is NEVER in the mood because he has fun cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents he'd much rather be playing with....but....it's a moment.

*************

James' birthday lasted about 10 days as far as mini birthday celebrations. He really enjoyed it and was disappointed when I told him this was his last one until next year. These are his 2 best buddies, Morgan and Addie. We always get together for the kids' birthdays and have a little party. James really enjoyed it this year and of course his gifts. We love our friends!

I love these action pictures of him blowing out his candles. These are better shots than I
got at his birthday party! :( I actually think I am going to make another cow cake, put
James in his birthday clothes and stage the whole scene so I can get some good
pictures. Is that bad or weird? Am I psycho? The fact that I'm willing to make a cow
cake again is a bit scary, but hey, at least I've done it before!!!!

HaPpY BiRtHdAy JaMeS!!!! We love you!!!!

A liitle bit of us...

2009-01-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

Things have been really busy around here these days and I am hanging in there! Just wanted to give you a quick update on some of the things that we've been doing around here. James' big, cow birthday party is tomorrow and Lauren will be 14 months...so I am sure I will have lots of updates for you in the next several days.

Let's start with Lauren since you haven't seen much of her lately:

The funniest thing about Lauren right now...she's a sippy cup thief. Seriously, her goal each and every day is to see how many times she can steal James' sippy cup. At first I thought maybe she just liked his cups so we started giving her a drink in them. Nope...it's HIS cup she wants. We have to barricade his the hallway when he's napping because she wants to barge in and steal the sippy cup. It's hilarious. If it's in reach...she's got it and she knows exactly what she's doing. She'll grab and run! It's really a sight to see. I will try and get it on video! Usually James is pretty gracious, but as soon as he takes it away she throws herself on the floor and just sobs. So much drama...such a girl. Here are a few pics of her in action:

In for the kill... Score!!!!!!

She thinks this whole thing is hilarious...

This is the face after James or myself has taken the sippy cup away...

Pitiful huh? Don't feel too sorry for her. It will only be a matter of minutes before she's gotten it again!!!

This girl LOVES books. She would sit and look at books forever! Loves them!!!! It's so weird

because James NEVER sat and looked at books. It's kind of nice! :)

look how big she's getting!!!

McDonald's for James' Birthday

James' birthday was on MLK day so his cousins didn't have school. We decided

to take the kids to Mc Donalds to celebrate. Those of you who know me at all know

that I never take the kids to the "germland." My stomach turns when I think of it...

Picture me there with hand sanitizers in every form. Wipes, gel...you name it. I wiped James and Lauren's poor hands SO many times and changed their clothes when we got home. Is that normal? The kids had a great time and it was worth it!

Lauren just loved walking around and checking out all of the action. It was lots of fun!

James...My photographerFor a kid who hates the camera as much as he does, he sure likes to take the pictures. He loves carrying around my old camera and pretending to take pictures. He thought it was hilarious that I was taking a picture of him taking a picture of me!

My Cow Fanatic...
You all know how much James loves cows and we have been planning his cow themed birthday party for quite some time. Well, if you haven't been at Target recently they have an enormous section of cow gear for the spring. It's to die for...James was in heaven. He used his birthday money to buy this visor. Precious huh? He will also be getting the cow chair and I'm sure some of the other goodies. I just had to show you a picture. He loves it! Lauren does too!

Last but certainly NOT least...James had his first dentist visit. He was SO excited to go. It's all he could talk about and I walked him through what they would do. I actually thought it would go smoothly. Well, I was WRONG!!!!

Here he is sitting in the waiting room...excited to be at the dentist!

This picture is completely staged. Once we sat him in the chair and they put the napkin around his neck, it was OVER. Do you hear me??? O.V.E.R. He was crying and I had to hold him on my lap in the chair while they looked at his teeth. Needless to say he didn't get them cleaned. We're trying again in 6 months. During this time the Doctor came in (a man) and looked at Lauren and attempted to touch her hand. BAD NEWS! Lauren doesn't like men and he was no exception. So she began screaming! And keep in mind that I'm still holding James in my lap so now the Doctor can torture all of us by examining his teeth again. So James and Lauren are both crying (the hygienist...bless her heart what holding Lauren) and feeding off each other. The doctor is trying to talk over all of them to me... about how long to brush his teeth and so on...blah..blah...blah... Didn't work. I was starting to sweat and just wanted to get the heck out of there! Oh my goodness....it did NOT go as planned! So, we will see if we can go through the same madness in 6 months. And I will find a sitter for Lauren!!! :)

There's an update...a long one...sorry...I will post pictures of James' birthday party! Have a great weekend!

Happy 3rd Birthday James Hudson!!!!

2009-01-19T19:04:00.000-08:00

I find myself in awe of the fact that my baby boy is 3 today! As I was cleaning the office yesterday I was thinking about some of the things I love most about James. These are just a few (or 10) of my favorites:

His sweetness-he is sweet...he loves babies, animals, his sister, daddy and especially me

His obsession with small appliances... specifically shop vacs :) It's so humorous and so...well...him

His loves of family and his friends. He so enjoys and looks forward to spending time with them..he gives Mallory and Claire nuzzles, hugs and kisses.

How he always wants to see me just 1 more time before he falls asleep.

The way he drags out the space heater every morning to the front room and lays in front of it along with his 3 stuffed animals and large stuffed dog..and says, "He's warming up."

The way he is so protective and careful with Lauren (most of the time...we have the occasional push and shove) He just follows her around and makes sure she doesn't do anything that she's not supposed to. We've had to work on him not being a "second mother" here lately...He thinks he can discipline her when need be... :0

The way he asks to have the same bible stories read to him every day...David and Goliath, Jonah, Daniel and the Lions Den, and The Good Samaritan (he likes hearing about the man's ouchies)

His sensitivity...boy, I don't know where he gets that from? He's going to be a tough one to parent in some senses because he is so sensitive that we have to be careful how we approach things and yet it's his sensitivity that makes him want to please us and others as well as brings out this ultra sweet side....his "let me just please you"..."tell me how great I am" side....and I don't have any trouble doing that! :)

Random hugs....several times a day...sometimes as many as 15 or 20
How he's pretty much always happy...he is rarely grumpy and rarely in a bad mood. We are so blessed!

That last 3 years have been the most rewarding and joyous time in our lives and have really made our lives complete. I know that sounds so cliche...but the birth of our children, has just been the icing on the cake for this life we are living. What a blessing and joy you are to us James. I often times say to Luke, "Do you really think other people love their kids as much as I do?" I really feel like I have such an amazing love, bond, and relationship with James. He is a special kid and I thank God for him daily...hourly...he is such a blessing! Happy Birthday Sweet James! I can't wait to watch you grow...but I'm not ready for you to stop giving all the hugs, kisses, and affection that you give us through the day!!!

Christmas Recap

2008-12-30T11:26:00.000-08:00

We had such a wonderful Christmas/several days with our families. I cannot possibly talk about

everything nor do you want me to:) so I have chosen several snapshots that wrap up our holiday!

The Carpenter's Christmas Morning

Here are the kids in their Christmas jammies. Lauren wouldn't ever let us get a great picture with her.

His newest thing is to put his hands in mouth when I ask him for a picture....so we get a shot like this...

Love this sweet face

We didn't get the kids much for Christmas this year and it's a good thing because this photo book was the biggest hit with James. He LOVED it and we figured he would because he enjoys looking through his scrapbooks. He asked to read it after opening up each gift and we have read it many, many times since then. The title is Who Loves You James?

We made these cute, little reindeer candy canes for all of James' cousins. He enjoyed making them and passing them out and I'm pretty sure the kids all enjoyed them too!

I finally got him smiling...

Here is the best shot I was able to get of Lauren. I know...terrible isn't it? She was all over the place!!! This is the octopus James picked out all by himself to give Lauren for Christmas. He even helped wrap it and was very proud and excited when she opened it up. She enjoyed it too!

Look at this insane amount of gifts!!! We put several of them away and we will pull them out

when he gets bored....and to think he has a birthday in 3 weeks!!!

This was one of his favorite gifts. It's a firefighter gas mask and he loves it! He got an entire

box of equipment. My favorite thing is when he walks around with this on while carrying his sword. Don't you know...firefighters need a sword to chop down the doors!!!

And this is one of Lauren's favorite gifts. I had never seen it before. It is a caterpillar rocker and it plays music and does shapes and colors when you push its buttons. She loves to sit on things so this was an immediate hit for her.

Another favorite gift for James was his scooter...we have been letting him ride it around the house since it's too cold to go outside. I'm sure he is going to get lots of use out of it this summer!

We have SO much to be grateful for and we really used this Christmas time to reflect on all God has blessed us with this year. We are so thankful for our families and the role they play in our lives!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Didn't see this one coming...

2008-12-18T07:04:00.000-08:00

So....to add a little bit of holiday cheer to our family...I arrived to my car last night after

tutoring (like I do every Wednesday night) at the public library in Goshen to this. No, you are not seeing ice on my window like James thought (bless his heart) What you are seeing is my ENTIRE back window smashed out. The "ice" you see is all that was left of it. Someone stole the kids' DVD players and dvds. Somehow they missed the Garmin....Jerks...

Maybe a good Samaritan walked by and spotted them...yeah right? Who didn't see this going on? How exactly does someone smash a window and manage to steal everything inside in the parking lot of a busy public library at key hours?

Unbelievable!!! I know it didn't matter to the thief, but it kills me that they stole the kids' dvd players. I mean come on....And that they left glass covering their seats and all of Lauren's toys.

I hid my purse under the seat, but yes, they found that too. Luckily I had my wallet with me because it had my library card in it....but....I had an envelope with my much of my tutoring cash/Christmas money that I have been saving religiously! :( I don't usually keep in in my purse but had it in there while doing someone Christmas shopping. THIS STINKS!!!! My very hard earned money. I was so irate last night you can't even imagine. I'm usually pretty easy going. I think even the librarians were a bit nervous last night... I was a crazy lady....

We are going to have to replace Lauren's car seat because of the amount of glass that is in it. I'm just not sure we can get it all!!!

Lots of shattered glass....as I was driving it home last night....FREEZING because there was no back window and having everyone staring....I had to listen to glass continue to fall and shift around at every bump I hit....terrible reminder all the way home of the reality of wicked people!

Another look at all of the glass.

So as I worked hard tutoring to make money in these difficult times and give back to kids in our community , someone was stealing everything I have worked so hard far. I understand these are tough times for everyone, but come on folks! It just makes me sick. The insurance will cover everything, including the cash, which is great but our deductible is pretty hefty, so we'll still just about break even....NOT a fun price to pay EVER and for sure not the week before Christmas and a few days before Luke's birthday. And yes, I know it could have been worse and property can be replaced...but....guess what....it still stinks! My heart is heavy today. I was hoping to feel better about it all this morning when I woke up, but that hasn't been the case. I am still very angry and emotional. And guess what I get to do this weekend

while fighting the Christmas shopping madness??? Shop for a new car seat, dvd player, dvds, and purse. You may think fun...but for me...not so much!!! Anyway....MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! oh and don't keep ANYTHING OF VALUE VISIBLE IN YOUR VEHICLES!!! The police officer said they've had several of these break ins and again in daylight in the middle of parking lots. We called the pawn shops and reported the dvd players right away but haven't heard anything. Maybe some little kids will get dvd players with Monsters Inc. and Baby da Vinci....sad, sad, sad...if they only knew...

Oh, and James is very distraught and confused as to why anyone would break our window and take his dvd player and his favorite movie, Monsters' Inc. He keeps saying, "Why'd that man DO that?" and "Well, ask him..." Bless his heart. We also had to explain to him that it didn't happen at our house because he was asking a lot about that too. Oh, the joys of life....

Christmas Spirit...

2008-12-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

...is filling our house right now...We went and picked out our Christmas tree on Sunday evening. This is one of my favorite parts about Christmas... picking out the tree. I have been going to get a real tree ever since I was a little girl and have such great memories of finding the "perfect" one and then trying to get it home and set up while making a mess with pine needles and such. It is SO worth it though simply for the smell of fresh pine and sap. I LOVE IT!!!

James enjoyed helping us pick out the tree. He was so excited and kept running up and down the aisles of trees.

My big, burly man getting our tree...hehe...

You can see how pitiful and cold their little faces look and Lauren wouldn't keep her mittens on. I really am a good mom! :)

Our tradition with the kids to to get them a Christmas ornament that represents what their interests are at that time. I couldn't decide between a cow, motorcycle or this John Deere. I went with the John Deere and it was a hit. He loves it! I just got Lauren the Year 2 ornament since

I'm not exactly sure what her interests are yet...food maybe? :)

James putting his personal touch on the tree!

Lauren loved looking at the lights. She hasn't touched everything as much as I though she would but when she has tried to touch the ornaments the Ornament Police (aka James) is there to quickly reprimand her!
James was filled with excitement as we started unpacking the lights and bulbs. We quickly took this bulb away as they are glass! :/

James was fascinated with putting the lights up to his skin and watching it glow. The Finished Tree...it doesn't look as pretty because I took the pic during they day so it was hard to see it all lit up. It's beautiful though. Each morning James rushes out to turn on the Christmas lights.Lauren has a cute little festive shirt she got for her birthday! Even she's in the spirit!

James' version of the Nativity Scene
Here is James' own version of the Nativity. Didn't you know that there were kangaroos as well as elephants and hippos at the birth of Christ? :) So sweet. There's an entire zoo surrounding baby Jesus! Unfortunately baby Jesus didn't rank too high because if you look closely he didn't even make it in the stable. He's on the ground next to the kangaroos. My sweetie and his animals!!!

On Saturday evening we took James to the live Nativity at a local church (minus the safari animals). I have to be honest, we took him mainly to see all of the live animals because he was a bit too young to understand the entire Christmas story, but he keeps telling me he saw baby Jesus. Sweet boy. It was SOOO COLD and SNOWY on Saturday night....if he hadn't been looking forward to going so much I don't think we would have gone. It was worth it though...we saw a big camel, donkeys, goats, sheep, chickens, pigeons, baby llamas, and a cow. James was in heaven!!!! By the end he was crying to go home because it was so cold!!! We all warmed ourselves up with some burgers and fries from McD's! MMMM.......As we continue the business that comes along with this Christmas season, I want to remind James what the importance of this great holiday is...the birth of Christ.

Our Birthday Girl

2008-11-30T22:20:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY MISS LAUREN MICHELLE

Lauren's birthday party was everything and more than I had anticipated. It was so fantastic

to be surrounded by our families and share this special day. I have lots of pictures to share and am going to go in somewhat of an order of events. Enjoy! Our house was full of family

and yummy food. We had a spread of chimichangas, guacamole, yummy dips and salsas, rice, and of course lots of cake and ice cream! (I tried to steer clear of Thanksgiving type food!)

I saw a pattern for a bib similar to this on a friend's friend's blog...anyway...I looked up the website, wrote down the instructions and attempted sewing for the first time since I was in

4-H at the age of 14. I was happy with the way it turned out and thank you to my

mother who helped me!!! :) I wanted something cute and fun for her to wear while eating her cake and also to fold and put in her baby box. And I loved the print so much I got enough to make her a sundress for next summer. I will probably need to practice before that!

Party Favors These are the party favors...white chocolate covered pretzel rods. You probably can't see it but the mold is flowers. I wanted to stick with the whole daisy theme!

The CakeAgain, I went out on a limb here for this party and attempted my first birthday cake.

I mean actually making and decorating. I was pleased with the outcome although I thought

my grass looked a bit more like stalactites or are they stalagmites...anyway...the fondant flowers

took quite a bit of time and I learned a lot along that way that no one tells you about...like how the color will stain your counters :) So....here's the cake. It was fun to put in that much

work and effort in making the cake. I really enjoyed it although I am a real perfectionist and had to let some of that perfection go...

The Gifts

Lauren really enjoyed tearing the paper off her gifts and examining the bows. She also enjoyed looking at the boxes of the gifts she got. It was pretty fun to watch. She got some really fun gifts! James was even more excited than she was about all of them! Another perk to having

multiple kids. She got lot of fun girlie gifts!

James loved helping

Lauren got many exciting gifts, but this has to be one of her favorites so far. It is a very

large stuffed dog. It looks like a husky and both James and Lauren LOVE it! James

has been asking for another dog and they both love animals, so G & G Carpenter thought

this would give them their "dog fix" for a bit. She lays her head on it and snuggles it. It's very cute. James named it Harley because it looks like our neighbors dog. I need to get a picture of

them both laying on it.

Eating of the Cake....

Well...not exactly....the difference between a boy and girl. James ate the cake....the ENTIRE cake. He even started eating it without hands. Miss Lauren simply stuck her fingers in the frosting and modestly licked them off. She never did dig in which I always think is fun to watch, but she seemed to enjoy it. There was much less mess to clean up with her.

The Love from Family
Grandma & Grandpa Bogue

Grandma & Grandpa Carpenter
(this is where Lauren gets her blue eyes)

Mommy, Daddy and Birthday Girl
this is one of the only pictures of just the 3 of us...

Luke and I snuck in a quick picture since we did play a little part in creating this little girl's life :)

What a great night we had filled with laughter and memories. Luke worked hard to put together a slide show ofLauren's first year and it turned out beautifully. It made me tear up looking back at the course of the last year. What an amazing year it has been. If one year can be filled with so much emotion and memories, I anticipate what the years ahead of us will bring.
Thank you for sharing this special day with us! We love you!!!!!

Lauren's ONE!!!!!!!

2008-11-25T18:13:00.000-08:00

WOW!!!! My baby girl is 1 today!!!! A year ago Luke and I were staring at each other in amazement at the birth of our beautiful 7 lb. girl-Lauren Michelle. I remember the first time James met her I just looked at them both in utter amazement at how richly we had been blessed. Here we are a year later and I feel that same sense of blessing and amazement but so much more and so much deeper. It has been an phenomenal year. One filled with tears, disbelief, frustration, lack of sleep (lots of lack of sleep), and yet so much love, joy, and gratitude. Those of you who journeyed with me the first 6 months of Lauren's difficult little life know how far we've come! :) Thankfully too...otherwise I may not be blogging about her journey :)

9:30 a.m.
My dad has been bringing James a donut every Friday for the past several months. James loves it and looks forward to them each week. Well, my dad was laid off a few weeks ago so he has been stopping by the house more frequently which means....more donut days. Lauren has gotten in on the fun now too and she LOVES them (just like her mommy). We figured since today was her birthday we would put a candle in it and sing to her. It was lots of fun...probably more for my dad, James and I than for her. She looked a little confused! :) Of course James loved blowing out the candle!

We ended her birthday night with a trip to Target to buy her kitchen (bday gift) and we stopped for ice cream at Dairy Queen. As you can tell by the pictures, she loved every bite. She would have eaten much more, but we cut her off. This girl LOVES food and sweets....We think she eats more than James! :) She squeals as soon as she swallows what's in her mouth. This is one happy girl!

She is such a fun and happy little girl and such a stark contrast to the first half of her life. We are so thankful for her and are so excited to watch her grow into the girl and woman God has for her. Here are some pictures of little ways we celebrated Lauren's birthday today! Her party is on Saturday and I have been very busy at work and will be sure to blog all about it....so....stay tuned!

And a few facts about Lauren at 1 Year:

-she has a "blankie" she sleeps with and loves to lay on and cuddle when she's tired

-she LOVES whole milk (thank the Lord too...SO much cheaper than formula!)

-she loves to put things in various places and especially the animals in James' barn

-she has a little temper. I have seen more anger from her than I ever have from James!

-she loves to open and close EVERYTHING! and has found the only few door and drawers that didn't have latches on them from James

-she responds easily from just a look

-she loves taking baths

-she loves chasing James and being chased

-she loves food of all kind

-she has a really sweet nature

-she will dance to anything that has a beat

-she hates being left...and loves to be included in everything

***So I lied when I said I just a few things....hey, I could go on!

Tagged A to Z

2008-11-19T19:06:00.000-08:00

This is for you Sara! :) I hope you all learn a few new things about me!!!

A. Attached or single? Attached but I also like to be single (I'm very independent)
B. Best friend? Luke...really... I have a couple close girl friends and of course my mom and sisters
C. Cake or pie? pie for sure (peach if you want me to be specific)
D. Day of choice? Saturday
E. Essential item? lipstick (always wear it) mainly because my lips are chapped and sensitive to many lip products...even carmex! It's not all vanity! :)
F. Favorite color? red and yellow
G. Gummy bears or worms? aren't they the same??? Give me both :)
H. Home town? Elkhart
I. Favorite indulgence? ohhh..I could have a lot but don't on 1 income...so, a Starbucks Caramel Frappacino will have to do
J. January or July? Toss up-January because it's James' bday month but July because it's our anniversary
K. Kids? two- James (3 in January) and Lauren (1 on Tuesday)
M. Marriage date? 07/20/2002
N. Number of brothers and sisters? 2 brother and 2 sisters. I'm a middle child!
O. Oranges or Apples? Apples
P. Phobias? snakes and large bodies of water ( I have a great fear of drowning)
Q. Quotes? "There's no pillow as soft as a clear conscience."
R. Reasons to smile? LIFE- I love watching my kiddos play and laugh together, I have an amazing husband, fantastic friends, AND an amazing family!
S. Season of choice? Fall
T. Tag 5 people: I don't know anyone who blogs that hastn't done this one...so if you haven't done it and you are reading this...YOU'RE TAGGED!!!
U. Unknown fact about me? I was a camp couselor (3 weeks) and a master puppeteer every summer from 8th-12 grade and LOVED it!
V. Vegetable? A good salad...does that count?
W. Worst Habit? bite my nails when I'm anxious
X. Xray or ultrasound? Ultrasound for sure!!! Love seeing those itty bitty babies!
Y. Your favorite food? tough one...I like food...maybe taco salad...
Z. Zodiac sign? Taurus (I think)

Best Buds

2008-11-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

So over the course of the last several weeks, James and Lauren have become inseparable.
Really...it is really the sweetest and most enjoyable part of motherhood so far. I really mean that.

To watch and listen to your kids play together is just amazing. They are SO bored when the

other is sleeping or away. In fact, Lauren has started crawling back to his door and pounding on it when he is taking his nap.

In fact, she has managed to push it open a few times. We have to really watch her. She just

can't wait for him to get up and James is the same way waiting for her to get up each morning.

He often times will say, "Lauren's awake!" She almost never is the first few times he

says she is, but it is incredibly sweet. As soon as he hears her make the smallest peep, he barges in her room saying, "Morning Wauren." (he can't say his "L")

He then talks to her in just the sweetest voice. Then he climbs in her crib and loves on her. Oh it melts my heart just thinking about it. They are playing nicely together and James

is learning to share his things with Lauren. He's not perfect by any means, but he is

learning and today was a pretty fantastic day!

So this is their latest thing...James and Lauren wrestle. Lauren thinks it's hilarious. They just laugh and laugh. James tosses Lauren every which way and in spite of the way the pictures look, he is usually pretty gentle with her. It is so much fun to watch and listen to!

Going in for the kill!

This looked a bit uncomfortable for her...but again...she didn't seem to mind.

She laughs pretty much the entire time!

I LOVE this picture! I am not sure if she was kissing him or biting him! Hey...the girl has
to defend herself somehow! :)

So happy!

This has been one reason we have enjoyed their closeness in age (despite what the observers at the dermatologist office thought). They really seem to get along well! Luke informed me tonight he is ready for baby #3. I think watching your kids interact like this

does something to you...maybe tomorrow they'll be little terrors and he'll change his mind! :)

Bits and Pieces

2008-11-11T22:02:00.000-08:00

Where have I been you may ask? Ahhhh...where haven't I been is how I feel? Things have been so insanely busy here lately I feel like I am having a tough time finding the time/energy to sit down at blog. So this is an update of things that have filled our week...Enjoy and laugh a little! :)

Viewer Discretion Advised: Content may not be suitable for young audiences!!!Umm....yeah... this is Nemo as James named him. Less than 24 hours after we purchased and named him, this is what he looked like! You probably just laughed out loud because you all KNEW this would happen...it's inevitable...but why? Why do goldfish ALWAYS die? James did try and pet him on a couple (that we saw) of occasions which probably did not help the matter, but he was so sad and honestly...I could not stop laughing (but not in front of him). Is that bad? He is like Darla from Finding Nemo...the fish killer... The worst part about it is the next several days he had to tell everyone about his fish Nemo that he got that died...complete strangers!!! Oh, I am sure we will try the fish thing again, but that was an expensive 20 hour activity!

So then I came out to the garage to see him doing this....he actually went inside and got his fishing pole out to try and catch the dead thing....oh, kids are hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing about that either....I wonder what was going through his little mind...I can only imagine!!!

****

Moving on from Death to Life.....My new baby niece Claire... Tiff had her baby on Friday morning and I was so excited to be able to hold her. It was amazing how tiny she seemed to me and how quickly I have "forgotten" what holding a new baby feels like. She is precious!!!!

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Lauren's Birthday Party Invitations!!!

I finished them over the weekend and got them sent out yesterday. I cannot believe I just sent out the invitations for my baby girl's 1st birthday! I liked the way they turned out...simple yet cute and girlie. I added a picture of her under the vellum but didn't take a picture of that shot.

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Just a couple of random pics of Lauren. She seems even more girlie and big now that she is standing (oh and taking a few steps every so often :) )

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A Little Tuesday Night Fun...in the Tub...

I should have put another viewer discretion note before this pic! Ignore the fact I'm in a bathing suit please! :)

So, unfortunately both kids have their first colds of the season...BOO....They have stayed healthy now for quite some time and we lost the battle over the weekend. It's been a tough several days with them not sleeping well...Terribly runny noses, body aches, and poor James' face is very chapped. Tonight was especially difficult and James' only nap was 15 minutes in the car on the way to the dermatologist (I'll tell more about that later).
So...to add a bit of fun in the night I said I'd take a bath with him. Of course when I told him I was putting on my suit, he wanted to put his on too. It was tons of fun and it was a great ending to a rough day and an even rougher night. Only bad thing...he is already talking about me taking a bath with him tomorrow night!

Ok...one more funny thing...a bit of dialogue from the dermatologist office today. I had to take Lauren in for the diaper rash she has had for 4 months...YES 4 MONTHS. I'm not bitter though! Anyway...keep in mind both kids are sick. Lauren only slept 45 minutes and Luke was supposed to be home in time to watch James but couldn't so I took him without a nap (except 15 minutes in the car). I packed A LOT of snacks, capri sun (because it's cool and different) and tons of toys and books. Heck, I even got out some little planes I gotten James for Christmas. I was desperate! Anyway...I had literally only taken 3 steps in the door when these two older ladies noticed us and began talking to us and discussing myself and the kiddos. Here is some of the dialogue. I hope you gather the humor....There's a good chance all of you reading this have had a similar encounter!

"The Observers" I call them...

Ladies: "Wow, you sure have your hands full don't you." (3 steps through the door)

Me: "Yep, I sure do." ha ha

Ladies: "At least they look like they are well taken care of."

Me: "Well, I do try..." ha ha

(Note-in between their questions an comments they were making observations aloud about me and the kids. All good, but a little awkward)

Ladies: "Is that a little boy or girl?" (referring to Lauren)

Me: "Oh, she's a girl." Are you kidding me? Did you miss the teal barrette in here hair and the cute pink polka dot shoes? Seriously? She even looks like a girl these days...I think

Ladies: "So, how old is he?" (referring to Lauren. hmmm thought we cleared that up)

Me: "SHE is 11 months."

Ladies: "Oh."

Ladies: "So, are you in school? Do you go to kindergarten?" (talking to James)

Me:" Oh no, he's not even 3 yet."

Ladies: "OH WOW, and he's 11 months," (referring to Lauren) "So, they're REALLY close in age. Oh wow!"

Me: "Yep they are."

Ladies: "So did you plan it that way?"

Me: "Well, ya know...not exactly but we enjoy their closeness in age."

Ladies: " Wow, there's probably never a dull moment at your house."

Me: "No, not usually."

Ladies: "He's really cute." still referring to Lauren

So yeah, I know this was long, but I just wanted to share with some ladies I knew would be able to laugh, appreciate it, and probably relate. They were super sweet and kind...but just chatty and really quite funny. Oh and all this time we are in the waiting room the kids were PERFECT!!! Lauren sat on the floor and played with her toys and James read his books in the chair and played with his early Christmas presents while eating his snacks. It was just funny...

Let the Festivities Begin...

2008-11-03T05:00:00.000-08:00

Nothing like seeing cute kids dressed up in costumes to brighten the mood on this election day! That is why I am NOT in bed at 5:45 this morning! Actually been up since 4!!!! We had a great time celebrating Halloween this year and we stretched it out to 2 days!!!

When I asked James what he wanted to dress up as this year he had said a lion. I know how fascinated he is with them, so I thought this would be a good fit. He enjoyed

wearing the costume and especially loved having his face painted. When we put it on him he tried to scare us by roaring...James is very soft spoken so it made his attempt to roar was that much cuter! We were given this elephant costume for Lauren so we figured we go with the safari theme!

****

Date: Thursday, October 30th

Place: Sara's for Play date

Victims: Our Own Children :)

Here are James and his friends Morgan and Addie. We of course dragged the costumes with us to the play date (the day before Halloween) and put them on our kids. Our poor kids...we did the whole face painting and everything! They didn't seem to mind and even continued playing WITH their costumes on and were a sweaty mess by the time we got them off and ready to go home!

On Friday, we met up with my sister and sister-in-law (tradition) took the kids trick-or-treating in downtown Goshen. We had a great time and the weather was beautiful! But I did make a mental note for the future...DO NOT attempt to go into building with steps and tight quarters with 2 kids in a double stroller. It got a bit complicated and frustrating at times!!!

The Cousins...They all look so serious! This was before the sugar kicked in...Notice James already has a sucker. What kind of mom am I?Lauren was great all day but very mellow even after her very first piece of candy...this sucker. I wasn't sure what she would do with it. They funny thing is she kept putting the stick end in her mouth too so she was an absolute mess by the time we got home! Her fingers and face had grey fuzz stuck to them too!

I thought all that sugar (probably 10 pieces of candy) would have made it difficult for James to fall asleep...but I was wrong. This is how I found him after I had gone in to put Lauren down for her nap. I didn't even have a chance to wash his face...poor kid...

Our Little Elephant...

Someone gave us this costume for Lauren so we decided to go for it and I tried to make it a bit more girlie by adding pink ribbons by the ears. I actually wished now that I would have gotten her her very own first Halloween costume that was a bit more girlie and cute...oh well...it went with our safari theme! :) She didn't seem to care and I got a kick out of that trunk!

Trick or Treating in the Neighborhood

After the kids woke up from much needed and great naps, Luke and I loaded them in the wagon for some neighborhood fun. Once again, the weather was beautiful making it that much more enjoyable! It sure was nice having Luke's extra hands too! James loved having his face painted again. He would climb up on the bathroom sink trying to see his "whikskers." (that's how he says whiskers)

I loved seeing James choose what kind of candy he wanted when he had the option. It was usually the same things...skittles or starburst (he's my kid...passing up the chocolate). We had to remind him on several occasions that he only could choose ONE piece. Yes, my child was the one trying to stuff his pumpkin!!!

James loved the candy...just like Christmas...he never cared to get to the next house because he was too interested in eating the treat he had just received.

Sucker #2 for the day in case you are keeping track. Lauren again was such a great sport! She loved riding in the wagon and we took a little basket for her and a few people gave her suckers. She just enjoyed being along for the ride!

Tradition...Last Stop...My Parent's

Each year my brothers and sisters and kids end up at my parent's house to get some goodies and show off costumes! It's a great time and my parents and the kids all love it! They got fun goodies this year...McDonald's coupons and the little kids got Veggie Puffs...MMMM for all.....

Grandpa took James to a few more houses when we arrived at their house (not that he needed any more candy) but he thought it was cool to go with grandpa.

Grandma holding our baby elephant....

And of course...the four of us! It was a long, but fun day! We enjoyed the memories that were made and the traditions we will continue to carry on...Next year we'll see what James wants to be...I'm sure we will see how his interests evolve as his Halloween costumes change.

Cows, Cows, Cows

2008-10-23T16:33:00.001-07:00

These cows have become James' favorite things these days and what he looks forward to the most. There are 2 mamas and their baby calves. The big, black one off to the left is pretty much the bully so James always refers to her as the big, black, mean one...it's funny how he has picked up on that.

These cows are across the street from us and over the weekend I asked them if they would mind if we brought James over to see the cows. They told us to come anytime, and we have probably abused the permission they gave us. I can only imagine what they are thinking. :( We have gone at least once every day and sometimes I take the kids in the morning as well which means we are there twice a day. It's a lot of fun for all of us!

James loves to be up on Luke's shoulders to get the best look at the cows.

Lauren loves standing up at the fence and looking at them too. She squeals when they walk toward her and is just mesmerized by them!

After a few trips to the cows, we have them eating out of our hands...literally...even the big, mean one. James has gotten to feed them a few times which he just loves as you can imagine.

You can't really see what James is doing, but when he wants the cows to come close to him, he bend over and pats his leg yelling, "Come cows....come." It's priceless...makes me smile every time.

He talks a mile a minute when he's out there with the cows. He can't get all of his thoughts and questions out fast enough.

Doesn't she look SO BIG in this picture??? I can't believe this is my baby Lauren...

Here they are in the wagon on the way to see the cows. If you look in Lauren's hand she's holding a dinosaur. Her new thing is holding objects over the sides of things. It's funny...she held it over the side like this almost the entire trip. When she decided to drop it over the side...it was ballgame over! I picked that dinosaur up many times. James kept saying, "No, Lauren...don't do that!" (ha, ha)

Lauren is getting to experience so many fun things that we are doing with James. People often times say they think the second child doesn't get the attention and such as the first child, but I think the experiences and the relationship Lauren gets with James is just amazing...Now I'm thinking James got jipped! (just kidding)

The Carpenter's Crafts...Cheesy Title I Know...

2008-10-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I mentioned in a post that I planned out an activity or craft to do with James everyday. Well, we have managed to do one just about every day and they have become something that James really looks forward to. For the most part they have gone like I had planned....with a few minor glitches :) Here are a few of his favorite crafts:

Straw Painting

it's the only way he wants to paint now...

So, this next little fact is a bit gross, but the funniest/worst part about straw painting is the amount of saliva that was coming out of the straw onto the paper. It was TERRIBLE! The paint/slobber took about 2 days to dry and I wasn't surprised! :)

the finished product...doesn't it look a "real" piece of art??? I think I may frame this one!

Sponge Painting

another good looking finished product and let me tell you, he was VERY proud of all of these!

Apple Painting

ok, this one didn't turn out like I had planned, but James had no idea. You know how you can cut an apple in half and it creates the star? Well, I thought when he painted with it, the star would show up....ummm...nope! James still thought it was cool and had no idea what it was "supposed" to do, so it was still great. He has asked to paint almost every day since we did these painting activities. I'm just glad he likes them! :) He asks almost every morning when we are doing our craft.

Edible Scarecrow Necklace

He thought he was SO cool using the hot glue gun. I made sure it didn't heat up too much and just continued to watch/warn him. He did really well. He loved making it, but was also very anxious to take it apart and eat it! Hey, that's the point right? :)

The necklace...he didn't like wearing it because the raffia was scratchy on his neck...

Up Close and Personal with Mr. Scarecrow

A Ghost Crafts with Friends...
These are 2 of James' friends...Morgan and Amelia. James is very good buddies with Morgan and was very excited about doing a craft with her. They made ghost lollipops. It was cute and didn't take them long. The best part for them... tootsie pops at 10:30 in the morning...yeah...we were MOY (Moms of the Year) that morning!

I had to take a picture of this because it cracks me up...every time I tell James to hold up his craft so I can take a picture of it...he literally holds it up. It's just funny because I simply want him to just hold it so I can see it...kids...so literal...

Fall Photo Shoot

2008-10-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

Our Fall Pictures

Lauren was about done at this point, but James was goin' strong! :)

This is my favorite one of just Lauren. I love that smile and the way she looks like she is glowing.

I love this shot of her looking up.

The grass was cool and Lauren seemed to actually enjoy sitting on it. She was quite fascinated with the pumpkin and mums.

I love this shot of her from above looking down at her pumpkin.

It looks like he is posing, but don't let him fool ya...he's taking his flip-flops off...I surprised him.

ahhh... laughter...

silly face...too cute to pass up posting

I wasn't able to get any good pictures out at the farm/pumpkin patch with the kids, so I decided to do a little photo shoot of my own last night. It was 84 degrees here yesterday, so I waited until it cooled down a bit to put this sweater on James...don't worry...he wasn't sweating to death! I just loved the way they turned out! I have about 50 that I just LOVE, but I chose some of my favorites to show you. You are all very aware of my frustrations with James since he usually refuses to smile and/or look at the camera...anytime! So, I am sure you can all see why I am so pleasantly surprised with the way these turned out. I do need to admit that we bribed him with a tootsie pop. I think it worked well. :) I felt like I got some really candid shots and I love the contrasting colors of fall...brown, maroon, orange, and green...

Knollbrook Farm...FUN!

2008-10-13T09:13:00.001-07:00

The corn maze...it was lots of fun. James enjoyed running through it and grabbing the stalks

This was probably his favorite part about the trip...the animals. He loved feeding the goats.

He's showing us the grass...in case we wanted to know what it ate. :)

This is the face of a little guy who just got SHOCKED by the electric fence they FORGOT to turn off...seriously, are you kidding me???

It was so fun watching James and Luke race on their bikes. I got in on the action too, but all of that is on video.

James really wanted to ride these big bikes, but couldn't even reach the pedals (obviously) so he settled for riding with Luke. As you can see he wasn't exactly thrilled about it though.

The pumpkin slingshot...they tried to launch the mini pumpkins into an inner tube out in the lake. James thought it was great!!!

I thought this would be a great picture, but it was at the end and Lauren wasn't exactly thrilled to be sitting on the ground in the midst of large, orange pumpkins.

He is washing the pumpkins. Bless his heart... It kept him busy for a solid 30 minutes!

We took the kids to a place near us called Knollbrook Farm. They have all sorts of exciting things you don't usually find at your traditional pumpkin patch. It was nice because James loved everything out there and Lauren loved the new things to look...so everyone was happy! We visited the animals first and for quite some time. James thought they were just great...that is after he got over the fact that he got shocked!!! Lauren loved watching them too and the goats came right up to the fence to check her out too. The cows mooed a few times at her and that made her cry. We had such a great time and the weather was beautiful. We spent a solid couple hours there and James didn't want to go and has asked several times to go back. Maybe we'll try and take him one more time before the season ends...I love these little family adventures!

Fall Football

2008-10-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

We were invited to a football game with some friends of ours on Friday night and we had such a BLAST! We even tailgated before the game...yep, high school football tailgaters and we were a part of it! :) The weather was perfect and there was lots going on to keep the kids occupied. James loved the mascot, the falcon, and cried when we left. "I want to see the birdie," he wailed. He also loved the half-time fireworks show. It was a pretty perfect night...Luke and I enjoyed ourselves too.

The kids were absolutely perfect throughout the entire fun-filled evening. James is getting a bit easier to take to these kinds of things because he's understanding boundaries and Lauren was so fascinated with everything going on, she was content to just sit in her stroller or on our laps smiling and clapping.

We had her all bundled up...glad she didn't mind the hat.

James even got in on the football action. Some boys graciously passed it to him a few times...

These mittens cracked me up...our friend let us borrow them and they were huge on Lauren, but she thought they were great. It was entertainment for her as she waved them around!

A Little Bit of Everything

2008-10-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

Things have been extremely crazy, busy here in the Carpenter household the last week...actually much longer but it has been that long since I have blogged. I have the best of intentions in sitting down and updating all of you, but am having an extremely difficult time finding the time...anyone relate? So, this is one LONG post about all of the things that have happened over the course of the last week. It's all very, very random, so bear with me...

We are loving this cool, fall weather and Lauren is keeping her hats on! That helps!
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Welcome Home Tim!

Check out his forehead!!!

first things first...his forehead...we had only been home from church on Sunday for 10 minutes...tops...when I heard James running out from his room. I heard him trip on his mattress (the one he sleeps on that was supposed to break his fall from his big boy bed...) and we heard the loudest thud...you moms know that thud. I thought for sure I'd see blood when I went in there, but just this immediate bruise. Bless his heart...we think his head hit his dresser when he tripped. Poor guy...

And the snake he is holding his Uncle Tim brought him back from Thailand while with the Navy...He just got home from the Navy on Saturday. You all know how much James loves his creatures so my brother scored big points with this gift!

This is the hat he brought home for Lauren...cracks me up every time I see it. She won't keep it on for anything. It's even funnier when James wears it because it actually fits!

Siblings

Here we all are...together again...just for a while. My brother, the one second from the left, heads back down to Virginia on Sunday.

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Craft Time...

We had decided not to send James back to the Montessori school we sent him to last year although James gets bored very easily and has difficulty entertaining himself. We are used to be outside... a lot... so with the cooler weather nearing I've been researching activities, crafts, and games to play with him inside to help make the days go by and have some fun in the meantime. I spent many hours writing down activities and planning my supply list. My goal is to do a craft, activity, game, or cooking/snack with James every day (other than MOTTTS days). This was our first craft. We made a caterpillar and spider from egg cartons. He loved it. He asked all morning when we were doing our craft. He enjoyed the cutting part...he would've been happy cutting pipe cleaner all morning. Lauren participated in snack time during this time. She wasn't real happy about it though...Wish me luck...

He's coloring the spots on the caterpillar
' This is his spider. I asked him what he wanted to name it. "Spider," he says. He's a creative one... :)

Here are his 2 masterpieces. He even told them goodnight tonight...sweet huh?

We're also doing a lot of play dough these days. I had to take a picture of this though because it shows his interests...food and critters. He always has me help him make a snake...big and small...spiders, and worms. Then we made spaghetti and meatballs, a cookie, and a bowl full of grapes. He was great at "pretend eating" but I noticed wet play dough a few times...I guess it looked that real :) Ha...
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Another creature for James. Uncle Andy found a salamander in his barn and brought it for James to see. He loved it and even tried to kiss it. We put a STOP to that! HELLO SALMONELLA POISONING!!!
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My 2 Kiddos Playing...So NicelyI often times find Lauren in James' room pulling out all of his books and looking at them. James

loves it too...most of the time. I hear him reading to her and trying to get her to play with him. It is so much fun and I love standing outside the door and listening to the innocence behind all of it. It's the BEST!!!

Another new favorite...James likes to take Lauren down the roller coaster with him and she loves it too. I couldn't get a good picture of them actually coming down the track.
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Last but definitely NOT least...
My brother got married tonight....yes, it is Wednesday night...but who cares, right? They're married! He just got home from the Navy on Saturday and has to report again this weekend, so they didn't have many options. They got married in my parent's backyard and the man and a dear, dear family friend who did all of our weddings was able to perform theirs. Congratulations Tim and Lyndzi! We wish you all the love and happiness!!!

Hey, I warned you this was a long and random post but I hope you feel at least a little bit updated on us Carpenters.

Bug Man

2008-10-01T12:24:00.001-07:00

You will see this devastated face again in my next post. We had just headed out in search of more bugs when it started raining. He was devastated. The tears started coming as quickly as the rain did... poor guy... He wears that bug box around his neck. Better him than me I guess....don't really like to wear it when there ARE actually bugs in there.
This is the first praying mantis we found. We didn't keep this one at the time. We just let James check it out.
The second praying mantis we found, we let James keep. He was so excited. We put some grass in there and a twig for it to climb. We tried to catch bugs for it to eat, but it wasn't real interested. I can remember feeding them raw hamburger when I was little. Anyone else remember that????
He would just sit and watch it. It kind of weirded me out a bit. Especially that night when everyone went to bed and I could hear it scratching at the top on the tin foil...eesh....

So...another one of James' new obsessions...bug catching...We bought him a bug box several months ago and we have looked and played with several bugs this summer but never kept them and that was ok with me! :) Well, our neighbor boy has been over a lot here lately playing with James and he always wants Luke to help him catch spiders. So, ultimately that has turned into James' new "thing." Spider, bug, and anything that moves collecting...it's fun and I'm ok with insects and such. It is fun seeing him so excited about them and wanting to check on them. I need to read up on the habitats of these creatures though because we've let a couple batches of spiders die...ooopps...The whole, "They're sleeping," thing only works so long... ;0

I guess it's a good thing bugs and dirt don't bother me cuz this kiddo enjoys everything of the sort. Working on that worm farm when I was 9 must have done me some good! :)

10 Months & 2 days...

2008-09-27T13:13:00.000-07:00

She did look at me a couple of times like, "What exactly am I wearing and what are you doing mom?" I'm just enjoying a little girl...

I like this shot from above...I don't know why because you can't see much but I think it's neat.

I have all of these adorable headbands for her but she doesn't like them so much...she doesn't mind the barrettes that I put in her hair, but she usually yanks the headband right off. They're cute though huh? I have them in every color! :) And don't tell me you're surprised! :)

Our baby girl is 10 months old!!!! Wow, this is just going so quickly. I wanted to post pictures on her 10 month "birthday" but it was a rough one...trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to have seen the pics that would have been taken that day. She has had a terrible diaper rash...I mean like you have never seen before. We're working on getting her back to 100% again.

Anyway...I took these pictures last week. I had really high hopes for getting some adorable pictures in this tutu, but they didn't work out exactly like I had in mind... but thought you would all enjoy them just the same. I did them outside and it was a bit bright so I couldn't get her to look at me and when she did, she was squinting...shucks...and James was the only one trying to help me in getting her to smile and that only lasted ohhh...7 seconds...I will try and work on getting some better shots!

Lauren at 10 months:
-tons of fun!!!!

-she is pretty much done with baby food. James didn't like it much past this age either. She'd much rather have the good stuff...mac n cheese, rice, mashed potatoes, shredded chicken...ya, know...the good stuff

-She is cruising across furniture, but not walking yet and I am just fine with that! Since she crawled so early we thought maybe she would be an early walker too

-She is continuing to get more and more vocal. Boy is she noisy...she squawks and screeches and it just makes James' skin crawl. All of you who know James know he doesn't like loud noises...AT ALL! Maybe that stems from the 6 months of screaming he endured with her. Well, he's had it...

-She has gone to 1 nap....BOOO...yes, about 3 weeks ago she officially went down to 1 nap. I was trying my hardest to keep her at 2, but it just wasn't working. The good thing is we have our mornings to run errands and have play dates and now they both nap at least 45 minutes together! The first time since she's been born they have both slept at the same time!!! YEAH!!!!

-She's really into cause and effect...she loves to drop things, watch them fall, watch YOU pick them up, and then do it over and over again...

-She loves music and will dance to anything upbeat. It's so cute because her knees are usually locked which creates a rather jerky motion

-When she is fully rested from her night sleep and nap she will usually stand up and jabber loudly while hitting the top of her crib. It almost looks like she is playing the drums

-She is very aware of looks people give her. All you have to do is look at her and she tucks her head down and smiles from ear to ear. It's the BEST! Daddy especially loves when she gets all excited for him!

-She DESTROYS James' room. Oh my goodness...we've never had a problem with James messing up his room, but this one has required me to do about 3 room cleanings a day. She takes out all of his books, gets the puzzles down and takes out ALL of the pieces, and pulls out many of his stuffed animals. James thinks it's funny and I figure it's cheap, easy entertainment!

Once again I'm sure I could go on and on about her and how much we love her and what a joy she is, but I won't. We are continuing to enjoy watching her grow and watching her interact with James. That is still one of the most incredible things about have multiple children. We love her so much and are so blessed!